[Hank is holed up in bed due to the trauma from the Tortuga bomb incident]
I have spent my whole life frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen. Fifty years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine.
And I came to realize: It's that fear, that's the worst of it. That's the real enemy. So... get up, get out in the real world, and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth.
[Badger is sitting in an interrogation room with Getz, the plainclothes officer who arrested him]
You told me to my face you weren't a cop, man. I feel manipulated. I thought we were gonna hang out.
GGetz
We are hanging out, Badger. You like Badger or Brandon?
I like people who don't, like, abuse the Constitution.
GGetz
Badger, listen. I'm trying to help you here, man. If you just tell me who your supplier is, I think this can end very well for you.
[Saul suddenly enters the interrogation room]
[buzzer sound] What're you doin', detective? What're you doing, talking to my client without me present? You sneaky Pete! [looks at Getz] Heh, which is which? What, did the–did the academy hire you right out of the womb? You guys get younger every... [to Badger] What'd you say to Baby Face, huh? Did you say anything stupid? By anything stupid, I mean anything at all.
Oh, look at you. Mouth open, vocal chords a-twitter... We'll talk about it later. [to Getz] Right now, you. Out. Ten minutes ago. Go on. There are laws, detective. Have your kindergarten teacher read them to you, alright? Go grab a juice box, have a nap, go on. [Getz leaves] Alright, who do we have?
[looking through his files] Brandon Mayhew... Alright, Brandon Mayhew... Ah, here we go. Public masturbation.
I don't get it. What's the kick? Why don't you do it at home like the rest of us, with a big flatscreen TV, fifty channels of pay-per-view? [looks back at the file] In a Starbucks! That's nice, heh-heh.
That ain't me, man! I'm–I was the guy who was selling meth... allegedly.
[looks through his files again] Okay, alright, I gotcha. Meth. Right. Sorry, that was a little transpositional error. Nothing that a little Wite-Out can't take care of. Yeah, and uh... felony quantity.
Yeah, just barely. The cops around here are like butchers—always got their thumbs on the scales, y'know—but good luck arguing that in court. Let me get down to brass tacks: I'm gonna get you a second phone call, okay? You're gonna call your mommy or your daddy or your parish priest or your Boy Scout leader and they're gonna deliver me a check for $4,650. I'm gonna write that down on the back of my business card. [writes the amount down] Four-six-five-zero. Okay? And I need that in a cashier's check or a money order, doesn't matter—Actually, I want it in a money order... and make it out to Ice Station Zebra Associates. That's my loan-out. It's totally legit. It's done just for tax purposes. And after that, we can discuss Visa or MasterCard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask. Alright? Any questions?
Uh... you're gonna get me off, right?
What do I look like, your high school girlfriend? Five fingers, no waiting? [pause; Badger stares at him] That's a joke, Brandon! Lighten up! [in low voice] Son, I promise you this: I will give you the best criminal defense that money can buy.
[Walt and Jesse pull up outside Saul's strip mall office]
Sooner or later, this was gonna happen. If you want your "exponential growth", guys are gonna get busted. Simple as that.
So, how about we get him a real attorney? I mean, what the hell is this? This is who he hires?
What? You kidding me? This is the guy you want. This is the guy I'd hire.
[sarcastically] Ooh, this is the guy you'd hire.
Look, you remember Emilio? 'Kay, this dude got Emilio off, like, twice. 'Kay, both times they had him dead to rights, yo, and then "poof." Dude's like Houdini. Seriously, when the going gets tough, you don't want a criminal lawyer, alright? You want a criminal lawyer. You know what I'm saying?
[Saul finds Walter after school in the classroom]
Oh, my God! You really are a chemistry teacher! Heh-heh. Uh, you mind? [closes the door] I was terrible at chemistry. I'm more of a humanities guy.
We should talk about that. It should be much, much harder for people to track you down. My P.I. charged me for three hours, so I seriously doubt it took him more than one.
So this is what? Blackmail?
Walter, I'm your lawyer. Anything you say to me is totally privileged. I'm not in the shakedown racket. I'm a lawyer. Even drug dealers need lawyers, right? Especially drug dealers.
So what? You're just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?
C'mon. Have you seen my hourly rate? Heh-heh. Oh, by the way, where do you keep the money? Is it in your mattress? Is it in a jelly jar buried in the side yard, huh? You know, this kid Mayhew may be the first of your guys to get picked up, but he won't be the last. And if I can find you, how far behind can the cops be?
I don't understand. What exactly are you offering to do for me?
What did Tom Hagen do for Vito Corleone?
[stares at Saul perplexed while shaking his head] I'm no... Vito Corleone.
No shit! Right now, you're Fredo! But, y'know, with some sound advice and proper introductions, who knows? I'll tell you one thing: You've got the right product. Anything that gets the DEA's panties in this big a bunch, you're onto something special. And I would like to be a small and silent part of it. Food for thought, yeah? [starts to head for the door, but stops and turns around] So if you want to make more money and, uh, keep the money that you make... [taps his foot and holds his arms out with flair, pointing to Walter] Better Call Saul!
