Bob's Burgers Season 1 quotes

Twinkly lights, twinkly lights

Linda

Wow! This is nice!

Louise

Nat! Let's get this baby started and take her to about 120?

Okay, excuse me? Little bunny girl?

Louise

Yup?

You can't stand up in the sunroof while we're driving.

Louise

But what about-

What about Big? The film starring Thomas Hanks? It's called movie magic. You wanna know what happens when real people drive around hanging out of a sunroof?

Louise

Yeah.

Decapitation. It happens all the time. There was a huge uptick in 'em right after that film came out, but you didn't hear anything about it, I'm sure right? Right?

Louise

I-I didn't hear anything about it.

Yeah not a word. Government covered it up.

Louise

Oh my gosh.

Thomas Hanks himself got paid a bunch of hush money.

Louise

How much?

About 12,000 dollars.

Louise

That all checks out.

I'm Tim Flanagan, and this is my brother Jerry. You may be asking yourselves, "Can I really do trapeze?" Well, look at me. I got 30, 40 extra pounds on me. I got diabetes, major depression, a weird skin thing on my foot, you name it. Point is, if I can trapeze, you can trapeze. We'll be learning tonight's routine on the low trapeze over those mats. And then moving to the high trapeze, complete with costumes and music. I know what you're thinking: "Will I really be ready for all that?" Well, in 45 minutes, your answer will probably be, "Sure."

We're going to a place where you can stand in four states at once. I'm gonna stand in California, Hawaii, Canada, and Chicago.

Linda

Alcohol does not solve problems, Miss Missy. It just makes them go away.

Linda

Bob, what's the racket down there?

Bob

Oh, we're just, uh, making jewelry for your birthday.

Linda

Oh, oh, I don't want to see! I don't want to see!

Bob

Uh, but when you do see it, it's gonna look store-bought and sensibly priced.

Tina

Tammy, I'm out. I can't do it anymore.

Tammy

Uh excuse me?

Tina

It's not fair. I think Brett likes me. You're Milli Vanilli, and I'm those super-talented studio musicians that probably had to sleep in the same room as Milli Vanilli while Milli Vanilli farted up the place.

Tina

Babysitting is a lot of responsibility, but at the ripe old age of 13, I think I've learned a few tricks. Watch this. (Yawns) Who's getting sleepy?

Gene

(yawns) Me. Oh, she's good.

Tina

I mean, zombies are more sexy than scary, right? I think everyone would agree with that.

Tina

So what do you think of Jason? I'm pretty sure he's into you.

Jason's my brother.

Tina

Ohhh, I was wondering why you both said "Bye, Mom" to the same lady. Still, there's something there...

Linda

Oh, you too, Sergeant Bosco?

Shush! I'm undercover.

Bob

You're wearing your badge outside your shirt.

Dammit! Just treat me like a regular customer.

Linda

Okay. What'll you have, Sergeant Customer?

I'll have a... coffee.

Gene

Very convincing.

Shush!

Gene

At least you get to keep that sweet whistle.

Tina

Uh, no. I have to return it tomorrow.

Louise

Can you at least play something one last time?

Bob

Better not. It's kinda shrill.

Louise

You love mom.

Linda

What?

Linda

Give it another day, and if you still hate it after that day, you give it another day. And you keep going like that, forever. That's what working is. But it's not all bad. They pay you, and you get to go home after and say "What a day!" and drink.

Linda

Bob, You’re a silly!

I can see this house is winning you over! Do you think you're getting close to making an offer? Do you want to call your bank? Is that crazy?

Linda

Uh, no, it's not, uh, crazy. Uh, I can call them right now.

Linda

1... 800... Bank. Uh, hi bank, it's Linda. Uh, yeah, it's Linda with the money. Uh, how are interest rates?

Tina

Full disclosure, this is squirrel blood, not human. Um, but each squirrel only bleeds a few ounces, so... do the math. (Groans) So many squirrels! SHE PEELS THEM LIKE FRUIT ROLL-UPS!