Bob's Burgers · Season 1
Here's the deal, Teddy: I can make you soup or salad, but I don't think I can serve you my burgers anymore.
You cutting me off, Bobby?
I guess I... am.
You're cutting me off!? Is this some kind of sick joke?
I think it's for your own good.
You stay the hell out of this, Mort! [to Bob] Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!
Teddy's not my best friend. He's my best customer. There's a big difference, and I really value that thirty inches of formica that's between us.
Are you talking about your ding-dong, Daddy? Brag!
(Zeke eliminates Tina in the Freezer Dome)
I did it! I pushed a girl! And not because I like her and don't know how to show it!
Why would you lie to me like that? Who says they're somebody's best friend when they're not!?
Look, Teddy, I'm sorry I lied because I care about you...
Pull over here. Stop the car, Bob!
(Bob pulls over at Dusty's Feed Bag. Teddy gets out.)
You're not the only man that sells burgers, you know. I'm going to be a regular at Dusty's Feed Bag now! Friend.
Come on Teddy, get back in the car.
Oh, and one more thing, Bob three years ago, you forgot a tomato on my burger and I said nothing. Nothing!
Teddy please don't go in there.
You don't tell me what to do. Oh wait, I guess this entrance isn't even open.
Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!
He's handling this pretty well.
No, you're crying!
I can't believe we're competing against Skip Marooch. He has a book out. I read it! I mean, I mostly read it. I looked at all the pictures.
Your name is a verb in this family. We call it "Geneing out."
I thought that meant taking off your pants after a good meal.
I was "Geneing out" at work the other day.
[swerving the pedi-cab back and forth] I'm "Geneing out" right now!
Oh my God. I'm a verb. I'm a bad verb!
You're a "berb."
I'm a "berb!"
One man's trash is another man's Christmas gift for Dad!
Aw, I can't believe you quit the Thundergirls. Are they going to make you turn in your Thunderwear?
See, that's why you're going to be a Hall Manatee, and I'm stuck at Hall Minnow. Well, I'm also a Hall Minnow because I'm bad at networking.
What am I supposed to draw first?
First the gesture then the essence, and then the breasts!
Get your charcoal Charlie. Lady's a-waitin'!
Harold, be my eyes. How's he doing?
Bad.
Sorry, I can't concentrate!
What's the matter? Don't like what you see?
No! It's just, I wasn't expecting all the hair...
Well get used to it! It's the human form. It's the most beautiful thing you're ever gonna see in your life!
It's super-yummy!
Why do you wanna be a hall monitor so bad anyway? It's just tellin' on kids!
No! It's..."helping" on kids.
After Tina helps Zeke get the Whaler's costume...
Now I'm gonna have a story to tell on our wedding day! You think it ain't gonna happen, but I'm gonna getcha, girl! I'm gonna getcha!
Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting. (pulling her hair back) 'Cause our hair will be like this!
(pulling on her face) And our faces will be like this!
And our penises will be like this! (pause) You can't see what I'm doing, but it's pretty great!
I'm coming for you, T. If I finish the season in first place in B-League, I get a spot in the Kingshead Island Grand Prix!
But you actually have to win races to finish in first place. Maybe you didn't fully understand that?
Oh, ho-ho-ho, keep it up, Tina!
Way ahead of you. Literally.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bob's Burgers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
