Jonesy quotes from Blue Heelers

Who's this?

Jonesy

Probationary Constable Idiot.

Jonesy

She's going to end up in the same place as Hugo Allen, and you can bet that's not Akapolko!

Actually, it was Aka-bloody-polko.

Jonesy

Oh, and keep it in your pants.

Look who's talking.

Chris

How are spending Christmas, Jonesy?

Jonesy

I think I will go and flush myself down the toilet, Chrissy.

Chris

Oh, a non-traditional Christmas, then.

Jonesy

You didn't tell me you were coming.

I wanted to surprise you. Surprise!

Jonesy

This is Senior Detective PJ Hasham.

I thought you said the detective was an old guy.

Jonesy

You bastard.

What?

Jonesy

Where is it?

Where's what?

Jonesy

Where is it?

Mate, take it easy, mate.

Jonesy

Hand it over!

Okay, okay, just let me go.

What is going on, you two?

That was a very low act.

Yeah, but it was bloody funny.

Jonesy

Right, now you die.

Hey, it was a joke! Where's your sense of humour?

Hey, you two!

Watch out, Jonesy, you're turning into a snag.

Jonesy

No I'm not. I'm just doing my job.

In a snaggy kind of way.

Jonesy

I gave you plenty of warning!

Yeah, then you just dropped him on me!

Jonesy

I saw that.

What? Nothing happened.

Jonesy

You smiled.

I used to perm my hair.

Jonesy

So?

It was the nineties.

Jonesy

Touche. I tried to impress a girl once by singing Love Me Tender. To her cat.

Did it work?

Jonesy

Her cat was obsessed with me after that.

Jonesy

There you go. Twice. I win.

I thought I knew most of your disaster stories.

Jonesy

Not all of them, no.

Is there more?

Jonesy

Yeah. But I'll hold off on them. Gotta keep something in store.

Yeah for when I have another day like today. Tonight was fun.

Jonesy

Fun. Is that it?

Jonesy

Oh, Suse. I don't get it.

It's not you.

Jonesy

Well, I know you're not seeing anyone else. You are seeing someone else.

There's just something that I have to sort out.

Jonesy

Your mug half empty, mate?

Just, ah, contemplating the universe.

Jonesy

Is it a private conversation or can anyone join in?

When you think about it, you know, two bodies that have been revolving around each other for some time. Equal mass, although one may be thicker than the other...

Jonesy

Are you sure this is, ah, coffee you've been drinking?

Gravity...is a really powerful force of attraction, mate. I mean, these two bodies...they just, they just wanna crash into each other, but something's holding them back. Inertia, maybe? I dunno. But they're...locked in orbit. It could go on forever.

Jonesy

Sounds depressing.

It is. Get your act together, mate. Ask her out.

Jonesy

Who?

Who do you think?

That's not a very flattering way to talk about a lady.

Jonesy

Well, the lady's not interested.