Spirit of Christmas quotes from Blackadder

Good grief!

Horrible, eh? What a pig!

Yes, but, clearly, quite a clever, charming pig. Er, but, no, his behaviour was disgraceful.

Aye, you're a great improvement on them all. You're a good boy!

'Them'? Are there more?

Oh, yes. Have a shufti at this. [starts the next vision]

Very amusing!

In what way?

Um, the wigs. Very amusing wigs. But his behaviour, as you say, disgraceful. But...but he actually got the presents?

[haltingly] Y-Yes.

So there is something to be made out of being bad?

Technically. Technically, yes. But that's not the point, is it? It's the soul. The soul.

As a matter of interest, what would happen in the future if I was bad?

Erm...heavens, is that the time? I really must be off!

I'd love to see Christmas Future!

Oh no, you wouldn't. It's terribly melodramatic.

Look, just show it. Please?

Alright. [halfheartedly begins the next vision]

So one way, it's glory everlasting, the other, it's wearing Baldrick's posing pouch.

Well, it's not so simplistic, but it does at least point to a very clear lesson.

Namely?

Namely that the rewards of virtue are largely spiritual, but all the better for it.

You don't think it points to the very clear lesson that bad guys have all the fun?

No, absolutely not! The rewards of virtue are infinitely more attractive. Picture it - quiet evenings in your hovel alone. A bible. Your own turnip.

Oh, well, that makes all the difference.

So you're going to be a good boy then?

Oh, absolutely. [the spirit looks at him suspiciously] Would I lie to you?