Big Mouth Season 2 quotes

Maurice

One, two, three... I'm missing a dick. Everyone check their butts.

I'm Andrew's father's associate, Susan. He masturbates to me every night.

Maurice

Objection! He masturbates to her during the day as well.

Hey, let's buy a dog from a puppy mill and say we got it from a shelter.

Steve, do you ever get lonely?

Coach Steve

Of course not. I remain lonely.

Jessi

Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. What are you going to buy me today?

Connie

Why not just take what we want and save that money for Bonnaroo tickets?

Jay

I guess I'm pissed because you're kind of like my friend, and for some weird reason, I don't want my friends to fuck my mom. Does that make me gay?

Lola

Look, Andrew! I'm Quidditch!

And for my son, a glass of cotton candy brandy. Wait, how old are you, Jay?

Jay

That's a great question, mom. I'm thirteen.

Oh, okay.

Jay

Party wolf!

(to Coach Steve) I think the person who had sex with you may have committed a crime.

We both know you're not gonna pick me. I'm just here for the buffet. Your mother and I were really good friends.

Connie

Ugh, I cannot deal with this nerd. I'm gonna lie down and watch The Great British Bake Off. They're so nice to each other.

Nick

If you guys take me to ice cream, I will give blowjobs to everyone.

Jay

All right. Let's do this.

Jessi

Jay!

Jay

What? A blowjob's a blowjob. Don't be gay.

Lola

I thought you were a good guy like Dr. Phil, but you're a bad guy like Dr. Oz!

Tell us, Andrew, when exactly did you know you were going to dump Lola? Was it before or after you came in your Costco jeans?

Oh, please. Recycling is a scam. Just like stuffed crust pizza. It's just more cheese and bread. You're actually losing tomato sauce.