You guys realize DNA is a hoax created by gay scientists, right?
S1 E10The Pornscape
S2 E1Am I Normal?
The guy makes me laugh, he's like Tracy Morgan. I don't know if he knows he's funny, but he's fuckin' funny.
The kid's a little weirdo.
Yeah, he's nuts!
And you like him! Why you like a little weirdo?
I don't know! Ugh, what is wrong with me?
You're gonna be one of those weak women who goes for bad guys with stupid brains and garbage dicks!
Let's get Chick-fil-A and not tell anybody.
We talking about eating pussy? Too bad you lost your womb broom.
My womb broom?
Womb broom, your mustache. It's a little term I picked up in the Marines. Semper Fi.
Is that Captain Crunch?
I'd follow that guy to the bottom of the ocean.
S2 E2What Is It About Boobs?
This might be controversial, but I'm gonna come out as pro-boobs.
Look, you should all calm down. We already live in a society that fixates on the female form in a psychologically decimating way to many young women.
Boo, feminism! I am NOT with her.
Okay, well, anyway --
MAGA MAGA MAGA!
I heard somewhere that nobody likes their boobs.
I like my boobs.
What boobs? You're flatter than the Earth.
Actually, the Earth is not flat.
Tell my pastor that.
MSMissy's Reflection
You can't take off your robe. You look like a busted Smeagol, you flat-chested beanpole-ass BITCH!
I think I'm gonna talk to Gina at lunch.
What? You're gonna talk to her? Do you want to borrow the cardigan I carry around to cover my boners?
S2 E3The Shame Wizard
Dr. Birch, can I eat my quinoa burger in the pool? I'm still peeing.
I don't see a sign anywhere that says "don't jerk off to our daughter."
It's implied!
Hey, mom? Have you ever done something that you, you know, regretted?
MGMarty Glouberman
What did you do, you little pervert?
BGBarbara Glouberman
Don't tell me, Andrew. Whatever you did, don't ever tell me.
No, I'm just asking if you've ever felt ashamed.
BGBarbara Glouberman
I'm ashamed of everything. It's my great shame.
MGMarty Glouberman
Don't ask your mother about shame. That's why I pay synagogue dues. So that you can talk to Rabbi Poblart if you have a problem.
But you don't pay synagogue dues.
MGMarty Glouberman
You're damn right I don't. And I'm not gonna pay a dime! Not until Poblart gives up one of his three parking spots! We wandered the desert for forty years so that this man can park at a diagonal? Pheh!
What if I get caught?
That's what makes it so exciting! Like screwing a stranger at a minor league baseball game.
Oh, okay. You want to trade in stereotypes, old man? Well I bet you... I bet you have sex with little boys!
PPriest
Old man? I'm thirty-two!
Oh, big wow.
PPriest
I've boned down with grown-ass women.
Oh, who cares.
PPriest
Divorcees!
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