Darren, why are you carrying that leg of lamb?
DDarrin
Well, in the condition it's in, it couldn't very well walk by itself.
S8 E10 Hansel And Gretel In Samanthaland
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Darrin Stephens
Bewitched · 57 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Bewitched: in 26 of its 57 quotes
Most scenes with: Samantha Stephens (18), Endora (2), Larry Tate (2)
Scenes with Darrin Stephens 21
[After finding out that Endora has cast yet another spell on Darrin.]
One thing you can say about my mother. She's a mother-in-law.
DDarrin
The one thing I can say about your mother is censorable.
S8 E11 The Warlock In The Grey Flannel Suit
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[Darrin is phoning the betting company to place a bet on a horse.]
DDarrin
Hello. I'd like to place a bet. My account number is A231. My codename is 'Dog'.
And so's your horse.
DDarrin
Can you learn to skate normally? From scratch, without witchcraft?
Why would I want to do that?
DDarrin
Could you or couldn't you?
Darrin, why is it you think that witches need witchcraft for everything?
DDarrin
Not everything. Just everything difficult.
[Samantha turns around in a huff!)]
Well!
DDarrin
Can you learn to skate the mortal way?
Are you challenging me?
DDarrin
Yes
I accept. And if I can't, I will be more careful in the future about accepting challenges.
S8 E18 Samantha on Thin Ice
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DDarrin
Is Tabitha ready for school?
Of course she's ready for school! [pause] The question is, is school ready for Tabitha?
[After George Washington sees Abraham Lincoln's face on the $5 bill and his on the $1 bill].
GWGeorge Washington
And who is this bearded fellow?
That's Abraham Lincoln. The 16th president.
GWGeorge Washington
He must have been a very fine president to have his name honored on a $5 bill.
He was an excellent president, Sir.
GWGeorge Washington
Better than me?
DDarrin
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
GWGeorge Washington
Then why is President Lincoln's name on a $5 bill while the father of his country is only on a $1 bill?
Well, you see, more people can afford $1 bills than $5 bills which means more people see your picture than Abraham Lincoln's.
How would you like a drink?
DDarrin
Sam, just give me the news, without the anaestethic.
S8 E23 School Days, School Daze
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Did Larry like it?
DDarrin
He hated it. Right up until the time that Benson loved it.
S8 E24 A Good Turn Never Goes Unpunished
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Darrin, don't make mother angry. She's very difficult when she gets angry.
DDarrin
Since when does she have to be angry to be difficult?
Your right, Derweed. I don't have to be angry to be difficult. [pause] But it helps.
Oh, Darrin. When are you going to learn that mother knows best. And what mother knows best - is how to be difficult.
S8 E26 The Truth, Nothing But the Truth, So Help Me Sam
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[The last lines spoken in the series. Darrin is testing the truth spell Endora has cast]
DDarrin
Honey. You're beautiful, sweet, clever, adorable and I love you madly. [referring to the spell] It works.
Well, it doesn't work on me. But I love you. And that is the truth, the whole truth and etcetera.
S8 E26 The Truth, Nothing But the Truth, So Help Me Sam
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[Referring to Darrin's beautiful, but snobby, client.]
Personally, I think she should see a plastic surgeon.
DDarrin
What for?
To have her nose lowered.
Cousin Serena Strikes Again
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bewitched pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.