Bewitched quotes

53 total quotes

Charlton, the bully: What kind of dumb name is Tabitha?
Tabitha: It's not a dumb name.
Charlton, the bully: How come I've never heard it before?
Tabitha: Because you never met anyone named Tabitha!

Darrin's client: And Mrs Stephens. You should be very proud of your father. I think he's dynamite.
Samantha: Ooh, I do too. And, uh, I never know when he might explode.

Darrin: A satisfactory explanation?! You're kidding!
Samantha: It's not for me. I trust you implicitly, in spite of my doubts. Mother will not take off that spell until you explain.
Darrin: Suppose you explain to me what gives your mother the right to bug my telephone calls.
Samantha: Darrin, how can I explain my mother?
Darrin (realizing Samantha's point): That's true.
Season 5

Darrin: Can you learn to skate normally? From scratch, without witchcraft?
Samantha: Why would I want to do that?
Darrin: Could you or couldn't you?
Samantha: Darrin, why is it you think that witches need witchcraft for everything?
Darrin: Not everything. Just everything difficult.
[Samantha turns around in a huff!)]
Samantha: Well!
Darrin: Can you learn to skate the mortal way?
Samantha: Are you challenging me?
Darrin: Yes
Samantha: I accept. And if I can't, I will be more careful in the future about accepting challenges.

Darrin: I don't believe it. In our living room, in person, sits Napoleon Bonaparte.
Samantha: Yeah. You're the only living human being who can say he's had Napoleon Bonaparte as a guest in his house. It's ironic.
Darrin: Ironic?
Samantha: Yes. Who can you say it to?

Darrin: Is Tabitha ready for school?
Samantha: Of course she's ready for school! [pause] The question is, is school ready for Tabitha?

Darrin: That was no lady, that was my mother-in-law!

Endora: Maurice, this exhibition is absurd. Childishly flamboyant and pathetically egomaniacical.
Maurice: Thank you, Endora, your charm is ageless. So sad about the rest of you.

Larry Tate: Darren, why are you carrying that leg of lamb?
Darrin: Well, in the condition it's in, it couldn't very well walk by itself.

Larry Tate: [Laughs] Darrin, you old son of a gun, we've done it again. This Ezyway rent-a-car presentation is a masterpiece.
Darrin: Just don't hog all the credit this time, huh, Larry. Let's make it 50-50 right down the line.
Larry Tate: Done. I'll even go you one better, Darrin. If HB doesn't like it, it's all yours.

Maurice: Endora, you have all the charm of a tse-tse fly.

Mrs Kravitz: Abner! Darrin Stephens is talking to a strange woman.
Mr Kravitz: So what? I'm listening to one.
Season 8

Samantha: Darrin, don't make mother angry. She's very difficult when she gets angry.
Darrin: Since when does she have to be angry to be difficult?
Endora: Your right, Derweed. I don't have to be angry to be difficult. [pause] But it helps.
Samantha: Oh, Darrin. When are you going to learn that mother knows best. And what mother knows best - is how to be difficult.

Samantha: Darrin, I'm leaving you.
Darrin: Sam!
Samantha: I'm going home to mother.
Darrin: What do you mean "going home to mother"? Your mother's always here.

Samantha: Did Larry like it?
Darrin: He hated it. Right up until the time that Benson loved it.