TV show quotes
Look, I'll try to help you. I'll call the lab. They made a mistake once--
There's a chance I might not make it?!
I promise I will exhaust ever possibility, but I'm only human, you know? In the end, you may have to come to grip with the fact that... you're gonna live.
(sulks out the door)
There. Cat. I'm using the C at the end of your word, Jake.
Which one?
Xebec.
I still say that's not a word.
Bob, I told you. It's a antiquated tri-masted Mediterranean sailing vessel.
NONE OF THOSE ARE WORDS!
All right, smartass. It's your turn.
Read 'em and weep. J-U-G-G-S. Juggs!
Not a word.
Yes, it is! Jake's news stand! Magazines, top shelf!
Forget about it, Bob. It's a proper noun. Besides, we already let you have melons, boobs, and Hooters.
(A man starts screaming in the bathroom)
What the hell's that?
Mr. Pearson.
Oh, yeah. Right.
You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm beginning to think that Linda was right about all that astrology crap.
Oh, that's nonsense. Strange things don't happen to you because of the planets or numerology or any of that junk. If your faith in the Lord was as strong as mine, you'd know that. You lead a good life, you'd go to Heaven. If you don't, you suffer the consequences.
Excuse me.
(takes one look at him) Oh, sweet Jesus. Um, are you a new patient?
Yes, I am.
And your name is...?
I'm known by many names... Jim, James, Jimbo.
(to Becker) You take him, I'll get the rat.
That's right, Bob. Jake's pretended to be blind all these years so he beat you at Scrabble.
It's possible.
Scrabble with Jake?
What, you think we're taking advantage of him?
No, I think he's taking advantage of you. He played in the National Championships like, three different times.
Excuse me?!
Well, I only won once.
Jake, you hustled us!
Well, now technically, it's not hustling unless you were dumb enough to play for money.
I thought it was a sure thing! He's blind! I mean, the man's been throwing fish food in his toilet for the last five years!
So, did you get the test results? Am I really dying?!
Mr. Garland, sometimes, no matter how hard we try--
(disappointed) I'm gonna live?
Geez, who died?
Nobody!
I was going to go along with that astrology crap, but then I looked it up. Mercury doesn't go into retrograde for another three months.
Wow, that must mean that all the weird stuff that happened here today was nothing but a bunch of unrelated coincidences.
Yeah, you got a better explanation?
Well, if you add up the month, the day and the year, that adds up to 26. You add the two and the six, that's eight. Divide that by four, that's two, which is the number of people here in this room. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Aw, Margaret, will you let go of that rat thing?
(poking the ceiling with a broom) I can't, John. He's up there. I know he is.
All right, get down. Get down. If it'll make you feel better, I'll go take a look.
All right.
(Becker climbs a ladder to look above the ceiling panels)
You see anything?
(A huge rat shadow suddenly passes by him) Oh. Sweet Jesus.
[After Chris turns down Bob's offer of a date]
Wow, she's so nice!
Bob, she blew you off.
Yeah, she was just letting you down easy.
That's what I mean! Usually, I just get a kick in the groin and a face-full of pepper spray!
[about the music one of his neighbours plays] That's not music, that's a goat sexually molesting some kind of banjo!
[After hearing Becker is living in Bob's apartment]
You're staying with Bob!? Is there anything you wanna talk to me about?
I told you, my apartment is filled with 'roaches! [shudders] Urgh, 'roaches!
[shudders] Urgh, Bob!
[Becker storms into the diner]
You know what I hate!?
Who's got the list?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
