Batman · Season 1
This joke of the Joker's don't strike me as being too funny. What if we get caught?
We won't Latch. Think of all we owe the Joker. The fine things he's done for us: Sneaking those files into the prison; dumping our parole officer in the Gotham River; kidnapping that entire jury, and holding the judge's wife as hostage. He's been a real friend.
You're right, Bolt. There should be more fine, upstanding men like the Joker.
Watch out, Batman! The powers of darkness lurk in this room!
[to Marsha] Batman's never rude to a lady. But you're no lady.
[after the minister is presented a supposedly legitimate marriage certificate]
Why didn't you tell me about this, Batman?
It, um, slipped my mind?
Slipped your mind indeed. I am not in the habit of marrying bigamists.
[after scanning the marriage certificate] Why you two-timing Bat-fink!
[to Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara] My experience with women has been that they tend to believe what they want to believe. So, knowing you both to be conscientious gentlemen and faithful husbands, I'm sure that if you just tell both your wives that you were involved in some special and, uh, confidential assignment, that will suffice.
Have you ever been married?
Eh -- Well, no, no.
Alfred, at the risk of sounding pompous, experience with women and experience with wives are two vastly different things.
Amen.
I'll bet you are probably wondering what all this is for.
That thought did cross my mind.
Pretty soon I'm gonna shoot this trusty six-shooter of mine. and when I do, a herd of cattle is gonna come stomping this way. in a mighty big hurry.
Holy stampede!
Now, those cows don't stop coming for no man. Not even you, Bat Fella. And when they get through stomping. There ain't gonna be enough of you left to put in a thimble.
Shame on you, Shame!
Watch your tongue. Hasta la vista, partners. I'll tell everybody you died with your Bat Boots on. [laughs maniacally]
I always thought they [bulls] went for red capes, Batman.
Merely an affectation, Robin. Something to make the corrida seem more colorful. Actually, bulls are color-blind. They react to movement, not to color.
Holy toreador!
The word is "matador", Robin. "Toreador" is a word of convenience used by Bizet in his classic opera Carmen.
Holy matador, then!
Very apt.
But he knows that we know about his hideout there!
Correct! However, knowing that, he'd think that we'd think he would not return there, therefore he did and so will we!
Holy Bat Logic.
It sure is a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme.
Look at it this way, Robin. That $100 cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's "terrific chow" is hardly within the budget of the average worker.
Gosh yes, you're right, Batman. All the needy people in the world, all the hungry children.
Good thinking, Robin.
[holding her umbrella-gun to Aunt Harriet's head] Batman! Stop or I blow the lady's brains out! Batman!
[Alfred pops out of the giant pie and tries to wrestle the gun out of Chickadee's hands. Harriet smashes a vase on Chickadee's head, knocking her out]
Well hit, madam!
[Harriet faints]
I guess you can never trust a woman.
You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into.
[to Robin] When you get a little older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species.
[Batman and Robin are untying each other after escaping the echo chamber]
Wow! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!
What?!!
I said, WOW! I THINK I'LL BE HARD OF HEARING FOR A WHILE!
You'll have to speak louder, Robin! I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!
Shall I steal your voice or end your life?
Whichever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the wrong choice.
There's something in the wind, Caped Crusaders.
Holy Graf Zeppelin, an aerial balloon.
And here's another little surprise for you. You see this altimeter? When you reach 20,000 feet, an automatic mechanism will release the basket from the balloon, and you both will reaffirm Newton's law of universal gravitation - back down 20,000 feet!
I'll bet even Shakespeare didn't have words for such villainy!
Glider, Blimpy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Batman pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
