Batman: The Animated Series · Season 1
[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake] These are terrible! Terrible!
Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want?
[tossing the worthless stamps] I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine.
[sees the damaged Batmobile] You been letting the kid drive again?
Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin.
Or three of his men.
[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]
[reading one] "1 BAT 4U"? [breaks it in anger]
NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun!
But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! [Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]
[turning back to Harley] Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?
[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies] Nice going, butterfingers. Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it?
I wasn't TRYING to get caught!
Could've fooled me. Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie?
Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie!
Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya!
[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]
I hate shots! I hate shots!
Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. [gives the injection]
Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain.
Why do you put up with that clown?
Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really.
[sarcastically] Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you?
I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I?
If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on our terms.
That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room.
Gee, Ives, you got style.
[sighs] No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing.
[slams her form on Harley's plate] Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep!
Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too.
HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! HARLEY!!! [the hyenas snarl at Joker] OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?!
Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember?
So? She's always come back before.
Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then.
Papers?! What are you babbling about?! [snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
[to Poison Ivy] I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J.
[imitating Harley Quinn] "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl. You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?
[after reading about James Gordon's arrest] We'll see about this.
So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do.
Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant?
Right, Harvey, right.
[grabs him] Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy!
I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police.
[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]
It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year!
You're SICK, Gil! [glances at Two-Face] A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half!
Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know.
You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will!
I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Batman: The Animated Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
