S3 E1 Road Trips & Reunions
[phone rings] Ally, where are you?
I just got off the plane. Where are you guys?
[gasp] Like your song! *sings* We're at the airport, but you don't see me! You got off the plane, but you don't see me!
I don't get it. How could we be at the same gate and the same airport, and not see each other?
'Cause, maybe we're not at the same airport? Which Portland are you in?
You don't think he missed his flight?
Oh, not Austin. Flame-O's, the world's hottest cheese-puffs. You can only get these in airports. (Dez tastes one and his mouth catches on fire.)
(Her phone rings) Austin? Dez, shush! Go ahead Austin. Yes, Dez finally found Flame-O's. Where are you?
I just got off the plane. Where are you guys?
We're by the arrival gate.
You're in Washington D.C, aren't you?
We're in Washington State.
There are two Washingtons?! Why do they keep doing that?
I can't believe we're 3,000 miles apart again. This stinks. By the time you get here, we'll only have a half-hour together.
I don't care how much time we have. I just..wanna see you.
I just wanna see you too.
[takes the phone from Ally] You know who else wants to see you? 10,000 fans who bought tickets for tonight's concert. You better be on the next flight. You're supposed to be on stage in 8 hours!
[bangs frying pans together] Rise and shine sleepyheads! Time for Dez's world famous tour bus breakfast!
I just told you time for Dez's world famous tour bus breakfast! *bangs frying pans together again and Austin and Trish take them away, but Dez pulls out another pair and bangs those together*
Dez! Every time you cook it's a complete mess.
Yesterday you burnt the toast so bad we had to evacuate the bus, then you forgot to put a lid on the blender and splattered smoothies everywhere!
[pulls blueberry out of her hair] I'm still pulling blueberries out of my hair.
[takes blueberry and eats it] Well no messes today now how do you like your omelettes?
Forget it Dez! I'm just gonna go to the diner and get us some breakfast burritos.
Nonsense I have fresh eggs. [leaves then comes back in with a chicken which makes all the plates break]
I'm so much better than you. I'm a 10 you're a 2. I'm a queen you're a fool. I'm a throne you're a stool. You'll never be this cool.... NOO! I sing to you on the stage, I'm at the top of my game. I'm a star and you're lame. I am cash you are change. You'll never have my fame... SOO! You wish you were me! Got everything you need, got no time for jealously! AH AH.. yeah YOU WISH YOU WERE ME! [drops mic]
I don't have anybody... I'm all alone.
(looks at her sympathetically) You aren't completely alone... I'm still here for you.
...You're right. You haven't been my assistant... you've been my...
I think we both know you've been more than a friend.
(signals for Dez to kiss her)
(bends down, kisses Trish)
(walks in, sees Trez kissing)
TD Trish and Dez
(pull apart)
S3 E3 Presidents & Problems
Hold the ketchup! Are those the real silver shoes from The Wizard of Oz?
Yeah. What gives? Aren't they supposed to be ruby?
In the movie, but true fans like me know that they're silver. They were silver in the book and the play. Ooh, I should include that on the next museum tour!
Ooh, you're wearing Dorothy's slippers and the Wicked Witch's socks.
Wow, you wear some crazy clothes.
O Obama
Now I'm off to see the new exhibit about Henry the Horse Headed Cowboy.
Oh, you know that's just a myth, Mister President.
O Obama
Uh, Ally? Nobody likes a know-it-all.
AK Ally and Kira
(in sync) Twinzies!
If I hear the word "twinzies" one more time, everybody's gonna get hurtzies!
H Hazel
This is a children's menu from Humpys' Burger Barn. The restaurant that used to be here? I find these all over the place.
But how do you explain the blood stain and the giant "X" marking the treasure?
H Hazel
That blood is ketchup and the "X" is a half-finished tic-tac-toe game.
You and Kira can be twinzies. I'm just glad we're besties.
Me too. *they hug* I never got to sing my song at the beach club. So, I'm gonna sing it right now. I wrote it for you; it's about our friendship.
Okay. I want to see who does the best job hanging up Christmas lights.
What does that have to do with being Santa?
It doesn't have anything to do with me getting a promotion...Pfft... Why would you say that?
Oh, I love hanging lights. This shouldn't be too hard.
Hey, it is the most worthy cause there is.
Making a child's wish come true!
Nope! Making me look good for a big promotion. But that child wish thing too.
Well, that's the last of the decorations. (walks over to Ally)"
(looks up) Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe again. (laughs nervously)
(laughs nervously) Wha'ddya know? (romantic music plays as they lean in)
(Dez and Trish barge through) Look Out!
Austin Dolls coming through!
Ally': Just in time for the party! (All four of them unbox the toys)
This isn't right! (Austin doll has long hair)
They all have long, flowing princess hair! ...Long, flowing, gorgeous princess hair...
The toy company also makes Princess Priscilla dolls. There must have been a mix-up at the factory.
I can't give these freak show dolls to the kids! It'll ruin their Christmas.
I have to write Santa a new letter. I am not replacing my teddy bear with one of these mutants.
S3 E6 Glee Clubs & Glory
Let's do our warm-ups. Row, row, row your boat (rest of Ally's team begins) gently down the stream.
Ally it's for you, it's the 1800s; they want their song back.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Austin & Ally pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
