What is it, Mr. Mash?
Did you put in an order for twenty-seven galvanised buckets?
And what would I be doing in Ladies' department with twenty-seven galvanised buckets? This is the Ladies' department, not a farmyard!
We could be milking a jersey.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[About customer] He's looking for something in Scottish tweed with broad shoulders.
Aren't we all?
You ready?
No, no I can nip it in a bit more yet. [Breathes in] Now! [Brahms checks tape measure] What is it?
77
Oh, don't it sound a lot in metric?
Yes, well you've put on four whatever-they-ares.
Centipedes, Miss Brahms.
You're probably wondering why I'm walking like this, Captain Peacock; I've done my back in.
I hadn't noticed any difference.
SSister
[Taking Mr Lucas' temperature] You're normal.
Yes, but we're working on it!
There's a naked man in there, in his underpants!
That's nothing Mrs. Slocombe, you wait till the honeymoon!
[Drunk, about Mr. Rumbold] Oooh, twiddle his knob someone, he's out of focus!
Well it's either that or take him with me mum's washings to the launderette.
I'm not going there again. I've seen more of your mother's underwear there than I have of yours.
Well I'll be one tight long, I always go to the club on Tuesday evening.
Oh, oh yes, the Bridge Club.
No, no, no, the strip club.
Some of us have long memories, you know – I haven't forgotten being flung flat on me back on Clapham Common by a landmine. And the German Air Force was responsible!
All the other times she was flat on her back, the American Air Force was responsible.
"You know, this sort of thing just isn't fair on my pussy. She has a go at the furniture if I'm not there prompt."
I can't wait more than ten minutes because I'm having a bath tonight.
Oh, it's treats!
Well, I can't get the old boiler working very often.
Having a bath with Mrs. Grainger, are you?
I don't find that amusing!
Come to think of it, neither would I.
You know, there's only two things I like about Germany: Curt Jurgens and Gorgonzola."
Gorgonzola isn't German!
Oh. Then there's only one thing I like... No! I tell a lie. I like Irving Berlin!
Here, listen to this, you'll never guess what the German for "cuff links" is.
What?
Manschettenknopf.
I don't expect they'll sell any with a name like that.
This is a funny name for a sweater: Mit die Hände gewaschen.
That means: Wash by hand.
It's a good thing you parley the Deutsch, Captain Peacock.
I had to study it during the war, you know.
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