Mr Grainger quotes from Are You Being Served?

Yes, I shall find out who wrote this. And you know me, Mrs. Slocombe, I don't rest, until I get to the bottom of things.

Glass of water, glass of water for Mr. Granger.

But he hasn't asked for a glass of water.

He will!

Are you free, Mr. Grainger?

Mr Grainger

Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.

Mr. Humphries?

Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.

Is Mr. Lucas free?

I think he's going to be free for a very long time.

Now, Lucas. Now, I have here, a billhead from this department, on which is written. (Reads the note thrown by Mr. Lucas to Miss Brahms) "Dear Sexy Knickers: I don't half fancy you. Meet me outside at half-past five and we'll get it together." (Mr. Lucas drinks a glass of water) Now then, it is my duty as head of this department to ask each one of you if you wrote this note. (to Mr. Grainger) Mr. Grainger, did you write this note?

Mr Grainger

I don't even understand it!

Mr. Grainger wouldn't say, "Dear Sexy Knickers", you'd say, "Dear Sexy Bloomers", wouldn't you?

Mr Grainger

I very much doubt it.

Mr. Humphries, did you write this note?

No, but thanks for the compliment.

Well, in view of those two denials, I can come to only one conclusion.

Shall I leave now or work till 5:30.

Yes, well, we'll leave the matter of your future in abeyance. What you will do is apologise to the ladies department for the distress you have caused.

Now?

Yes, now!

Mr Grainger

Yes, now!

Well, you came out of that very well.

But, at least it gives me a chance to get over there, and chat Shirley up, and ask her out.

If you fell in the dark, you'd come up with coal.

[Mr Lucas walks over to the the ladies department and pulls a funny face]

Are you free, Mrs. Slocombe?

At the moment, Mr. Lucas.

I'm... I'm afraid I've, I've been a bit of a naughty boy, Mrs. Slocombe.

Have you, Mr. Lucas? What have you been up to?

Well, you know that note that you thought came from Captain Peacock?

Yes.

Well, it was from me.

Well, I should've guessed all the time, shouldn't I?

What?

I've seen the way you've been looking at me!

What?

(in a sexy voice) But you're a very naughty boy, sending notes. You should've come across in the open and come out with it!

Should I?

You shouldn't be so shy. (in a sexy voice) You know, you're more attractive than you think.

Am I?

(checking her watch) Ooh, it's 5:30. Well, I'll just put my hat on and meet you outside! (in a sexy voice) Mind you, I'm not promising anything.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[Young Mr. Grace arrives in the left lift]

It's young Mr. Grace.

GMrs Grainger

Is that Young Mr. Grace?

Mr Grainger

Old Mr. Grace doesn't get about much.

Good evening, Mr. Grace.

I hope I'm not too late.

No you're not too late, Mr. Grace.

Nah, there's still plenty of cabinet pudding left, Mr. Grace.

I suppose he's come to hand over the clock.

Yes, just in time. (Goes over to Mr. Humphries and Mr. Lucas) Ahem...

(Stands up) Ahem...

[Mr. Lucas stands up while Mr. Rumbold and Mr. Humphries sit down. Mr. Lucas goes to the counter, picks up something and sits on it]

Shall I continue, Mr. Grace.

Oh, please do, Mr. Rumbold.

Well, I was about to remark how very much we appreciate the long years of devoted service, the great consideration that you've always shown for all those with whom you have worked.

Mr Grainger

Thank you.

Thank you.

We... We feel... We definitely feel that after all these long years, you have truly earned a rest. And therefore all that remains... (Picks up the cuckoo clock) ...is for this to be presented. (Gives the clock to Young Mr. Grace) Here you are, sir.

Oh, thank you. This is a surprise. How very nice of you all. I've given a lot of these away, but I've never got one. Well my doctor says I shouldn't be out, so I'm now going. (to Mr. Grainger) Another five years, and you'll be getting one of those, Ernest. (to the rest of the staff) Well, goodbye, all.

SStaff

Goodbye, Mr. Grace.

You've all done very well.

SStaff

Thank you, Mr. Grace.

[As Young Mr. Grace leaves, the staff sit back down at the table]

Well, Ernest, it looks as if you're staying on.

Mr Grainger

Yes, it does. Of course, I'm very happy about it, but I - I should have liked a bit more leisure. (Turns to Mr. Rumbold) Could I have Monday off?