Oh, I think we're pretty diverse.
Ha! Please...
What? You're black... ish...
"ISH?"
Well, what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said "Quadroon!"
Imagine that!
You imagine it!
Both of you, imagine shutting up!
“Diversity Hire” · Season 1, Episode 3
In this episode: Malory Archer (7), Lana Kane (5), Conway (4), Cyril Figgis (2), Mallory (2), Pam Poovey (1)
[about Conway] And what do we know about this guy?
Only that he's uncircumcised.
[Pause] Okay, glossing over how you know that--
We touched penises.
NO, GLOSSING! But wait, an uncircumsized Jewish guy? Isn't that kinda weird to you?
What's weird about that? I'm not Jewish but I am circum--
That's not how it works!
Oh Lana, I think we both know it works just fine.
[Archer is hammering some paper into a shredder using a stapler]
What are you doing?
Uh, none-of-your-business-ing. And what kind of spy agency scrimps on a freaking shredder?
OK, fine, I can't prove anything right now.
That didn't stop J. Edna Hoover from persecuting Martin Luther King, now did it?
What does that have to do... Wait, J. Edna?
You never heard that? How Hoover was a huge cross-dressing chicken hawk?
I had not.
Well that's exactly the kind of slanderous and unsubstantiated rumor that I will not tolerate at ISIS. Think about that while you're on suspension.
While I'm on what?!
What are you, deaf and racist?
I'm black!
Oh, put it back in the deck.
Yeah, she's kind of weird that way.
Yeah, she's kind of weird a bunch of ways.
And don't go starting rumors about Conway boning your mother.
[Archer throws up]
You get any of that in the trashcan?
No. I missed on purpose.
It's a silent submarine propulsion system called the "Whisper Drive". [...] This is Wilhelm Schmeck, inventor of the Whisper Drive. Yesterday, Schmeck went missing, along with the plans for the Whisper Drive. I've tracked him to South Beach where he's arranged to sell the plans to Cuban Naval Intelligence. If that happens, undetectable Cuban missile subs could be parked right off Miami Beach.
Ugh, just what Miami needs... More Cubans.
Lana, call Kenny Loggins... 'cuz you're in the Danger Zone.
[Lana slaps Archer]
I want you to listen to me.
Then unperforate my eardrum.
Un... head up your ass.
[Archer and Conway are hugging after they completed their mission. Conway stabs Archer in the back]
Conway?
Yeah, buddy.
Are there more bad guys behind me?
Nope.
You dick.
You haven't seen the last of Conway Stern... Which is not my real name.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.