Look here, you want your blue jean ad?
A "blue jean ad?!" Look Shake, a lotta times the media tries to present an image that isn't exactly true to life. I mean, you understand what I'm sayin', right?
No, I do, I do. I understand that some people - Meatwad - don't look good, and that they should hide from the cameras at all costs. It's the beautiful people that are the smart ones, and it's that very same smartness that makes them rich.
FFrlock
Shake, people are different all over. I mean, it's not how you look on the outside, it's what inside that counts.
Thank you dad. I get the message. Is that what you're tryin' ta tell 69SoFine?
You think she gets that you're a fireman yet?
Oh, good one. Never heard that one before. Boy do I feel burned.
[Master Shake and Meatwad go to Carl for a plastic surgeon]
We callin' in da pros now. Is your buddy out of prison yet?
Which one? 'Cause there's three.
Oh, you know which one. The guy that was in the hotel with the people...and the welding.
Oh, Terry! Yeah, yeah, he's out, but uh, part of his parole is he's not supposed ta, you know, do what he was doin'...to flesh.
We need him, otherwise people are gonna look at me and wonder what could have been.
All right, whatever. We'll meet at the docks at midnight. I get a 10% finder's fee. You never saw me.
Fine, but I'll need a receipt, 'cause this is a business expense.
[Outside of Terry's]
(hands Shake a liquor bottle) Alright, he wants you to, uh, drink all that before you go in there.
Eeeeeasily done, my friend! Now you're talking my language. (points to a bedpost) What's this thing for?
Yeah, that? You bite down on, so you don't swallow your tongue.
(puts it in his mouth) Now?
(amused) Oh, you'll know when. I feel pretty sure of that.
Alright! Hello, Hollywood, let the games begin, baby!
[Shake goes inside and starts screaming]
(unsettled) Listen to that. Goodness. Boy, he's doing some work, isn't he?
(in background) I want that higher.
Yeah, he builds hot rods, mostly. Sometimes faces.
Well, we just thank you, Carl. You been real good to us.
Yeah, shut up, I need my money now.
[Shake comes out covered in a cast. Meatwad and Carl warily look around]
Whoa! He's quick and relatively clean! Ya know, this beats the jungle surgery any day; snakes everywhere down there, you can't get rid of them.
Oh, I see he sold you on the Tijuana Supremo package.
Right? Ya know, initially I was skeptical, but once I saw them in his showroom...I mean, come on, you'd be a fool not to get it!
You got an assface boy! Am I right?
Well I guess you are right.
I ain't talkin to you. I'm talkin to assface over here. What do ya think, assface?
How am I gonna fill the jeans if I don't have an ass?
You ain't. You need to get a job makin horror movies. Return of the Deadly Assface
Never Go Back to Assface Lake
Well fine, I won't do jean ads, that's simple.
Deadly Assface Lake Camp...Need to work on that one...
But I can do underwear right? RIGHT?!
Flip over shovel ass. You can do a hospital ad. They won't have to use make-up.
NO! This isn't happening!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey y'all know what would be fun? If I get in that pool.
And how long has it been since lunch?
Well... (Meatwad ponders) Six seconds.
And I just saw you eat 40 hot dogs, didn't I?
You have to wait twenty minutes, Meatwad.
Why don't we let him in now and we'll watch him cramp up and get sucked into the filter and jam it all up!
Huh... so he's using Shake as his vessel to communicate with us.
Well, I figured that out. He done got 90 eyes and no mouth. Where else he gonna talk? Through his butt?
Meatwad, he won't have a butt. I mean most aliens recycle their waste for fuel. [Travis starts leaking waste out of his body] Obviously, this one doesn't.
Hey, how ya doing? I think I need to go to the doctor. Cause I've been losing long, long tracks of time now, and...and I'm starting to get just a little freaked out about the fact that my hand is missing. I can't find it.
Shake you'll be fine. That hole in your head will heal up in no time.
Hole? Oh thats great. I'm sure it was drilled on one of those days I can't remember.
Here's five dollars, go see a movie.
Motion pictures are ten dollars.
But what about popped corn?
(Mumbles) I wonder what's playing-
(Getting frustrated) Go....
Fine. I know when to go. (pause) Do You know what-
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Travis is at a job interview]
TTravis
I would say that perserverance number one aplitude...appitude...attribute! I people person, work good with children. People like me, because I force them to, with violence!
IInterviewer
That's uh... do you have any questions for me?
IInterviewer
Well, it was really nice to meet you and I'll let you know in the near future if we start hiring...animals.
TTravis
Thank you, bitch. Suck it dry!
Yo! Is you the little joker that's been bringin' me sand?
Man, what you thinkin'? Look here man, what're you, the Sandman or somethin'? C'mon, get it together boy!
But it's...for the Shorteez, ya know.
It's for the EPA is who it's for.
What? Who said that? Man, you bring people over here. You ain't supposed to bring people over here unless they dead. Is he dead? I don't think so.
