Aqua Teen Hunger Force · Season 1
“Mail Order Bride” · Season 1
In this episode: Master Shake (6), Carl (6), Frylock (5), Meatwad (4), Schoolly D (1)
Santa's coming tonight Meatwad, so I really need your Christmas list—
Here.
…and if you've been a good boy this year, you may just get this…this L-shaped thing.
No, see, what that is, is a hair dryer.
You want a hair dryer?
Yeah.
For what? You don't have any-
Keep reading, next to the hair dryer.
This—this is a squiggle.
No, that's hair. You read it backwards, fool. So go get it.
Oh, man. I cannot wait. I got the oils, the candles, the works! When does that babe get here?
Carl, don't refer to her as a "babe", please. She is a Chechnyan prostitute, and you will address her as such.
Look, just don't cash that check immediately. I wanna make sure that both of us marryin' her is gonna be, you know, legal.
Of course it is! What are you kidding me? Santa Claus ain't legal and he's around.
Well, I guess that makes sense, you know.
Look merry, dammit!
Shoo, that sure was a good sleep I had. WHERE ARE THE DAMN PRESENTS?!
It's 4:00 in the afternoon Meatwad, that wasn't Santa.
Well, you know, maybe Santa's just gettin' a jump start on things this year. 'Cause, you know, statistics they show that there are more people in the world today. That's China's fault.
Where do you get this information?
Regis.
[on a ladder]
Look, would you just hold it with your hands?!
I can do two things at the same time, chubby.
No, ya can't!
[reading a magazine to himself] Huey Lewis making a comeback!
[Carl has broken his neck.]
Hey, get back here! I think I need some help here!
Yeah, I know you do.
[Master Shake walks away.]
Get back here!
Well, there ain't gonna be no dinner this year.
What about your girlfriend. I thought she was gonna cook.
"Co-fiancee." Let's get it right, please.
"Co-"?
Yeah, you know, I'll split her with Carl. So he's "co-owner."
You're depraved.
Yes, thank you, I think she sees that quality in me. But that damn Carl is so Selfish.
Carl should remember the reason for the season.
The reason for the season is pleasin and I ain't gettin much pleasin and Carl better get his ass with the program.
Get with what program, Cup?
Hey fry-man, you think I can get you to come over here and uh, blow a frickin' hole in my wall?
What's wrong, Carl?
Well, for starters, she's barricaded herself inside the house. And every time she talks to me, it's in this, like, language. It's like some demon yelling at me, or something!
Santa Claus got barbeque sauce in his drawers.
Okay, I'm awake. Let's, uh, friggin go get married.
Oh Good!
Yeah, brotha!
Let's get married, yeah!
[at Carl's house]
And do you, Svetlana... what does this say?
Look, just say Smith or Jones or something... there's no way you can pronounce that right.
Svetlana Smith take Carl...
Just say Smith again, it don't matter... none of this matters.
...Smith to be your lawfully wedded husband...
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
...to honor...
Back up! Rewind!
...take Carl, and Master Shake...
That's more like it.
to be your lawfully wedded husbands as long as you three shall live.
[speaking Russian, from inside Carl's house]
Alright, yeah!
Alright, score!
Sweet nectar!
Okay, now shove the ring under the door.
No, we're not doing the ring, I'm not gettin' roped into all that.
How can you not have a ring?
No, it ends here. I haven't seen food once since she's shown up.
He's right, let's do this thing - light this candle.
By the power invested in me by the state of New Jersey I now pronounce you men and wife. You may now kiss the door.
Blow it open Frylock.
Do it!
[speaking Russian; escapes]
Svetlana, baby?
Great! Great!
Oh Man! She got the car.
Well technically, it's half hers now, right? Or a third, I don't know.
Introducing the new Misters and Mrs. Bertwoski!
It's Brutananadilewski! And you get the hell out of here!
No way, you are staying! We got him 'til two.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
