Now in the future, the past has occurred.
“Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future” · Season 1
In this episode: Cybernetic Ghost (10), Carl (5), Meatwad (4), Frylock (3), Master Shake (2)
CCarl
You're the Ghost of Christmas Past...right?
That is correct.
CCarl
Okay, well... I mean, you know that it's February...right?
[pause] I am a robot.
CCarl
Well, you know, obviously. What are you, stupid?
[stutters] I will see you in December, tomorrow!
CCarl
Okay, whatever there, just lock your door on the way-
[breaks through the wall] Do what?
CCarl
Nevermind, just leave!
[Flashback to Carl's house on Christmas in 1968]
CCarl
[opening his present] Oh boy, oh boy, I hope this is a new mommy!
CSCarl's Dad
Yeah, it's not. Unwrap it, ya little creep, we gotta be at work in an hour.
CCarl
What is this, da– is this carpet, daddy?
CSCarl's Dad
Carpet? No. It's berber; that's an industry term.
CCarl
Hey, it's like a flyin' magic carpet here! Look at this, I'm flyin' around in Egyptland!
CSCarl's Dad
[cuts Carl off] Yeah, that's cute. Don't get too attached there, Aladdin, 'cause its about to be magic flyin' dinner.
CCarl
[looking worried] Y-you can't eat carpet... Silly Daddy.
CSCarl's Dad
No, of course you can't, like that. You gotta boil it, so the glue gets soft, ya know.:[looks at his watch] Oh jeez, look at the time!
CCarl
But it's Christmas, Daddy!
CSCarl's Dad
You're not getting out of this! Put on your work boots and your respirator! I pulled a lot of strings to get them to hire an 8-year-old!
CCarl
[crying and muttering to himself] Don't make me go! I don't wanna make insulation!
CSCarl's Dad
C'MON, WE'RE LATE!!!!
CCarl
OH GOD!
[Robot appears and lasers shoot everywhere]
You remember that Christmas, don't you?
CCarl
Yeah, well, you know, I remember eating carpet. Not so much the, uh, lasers and the robots.
And that is where babies come from... for machines.
Boy, that's some story. That... kinda is different from what I been told about people loving each other... and, you know, physically...
No! That is very wrong! You cling to your pathetic fable of fluid exchange.
CCarl
(after finding his swimming pool filled with blood) It looks like someone wrung a herd of cows through a juicer or something!
Wait, wait... who unionized?
Wouldn't you like to know? Probably yo mama.
Man, it makes me sad they had to open their gifts in front of an ape and they were all made out of doodoo. What kinda Christmas is that?!
It's okay Meatwad. This is all a bunch of bull.
You don't believe?
Believe what? That you're a ghost and Santa Claus is an ape? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever–
Was an ape. Now he is a machine!
I left cookies and a glass of milk FOR A MACHINE?!!
No man, he's an ape. [They look at him questioningly] I mean, wait he is a machine! You were trying to mess me up on purpose!
But I thought everyone back then was undeveloped? Couldn't make machines with their crinkled hands.
Well the elves came from the red planet, and there was much defecation.
Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that. How long ago did you say this was?
[Fog rolls in] Thousands of years ago-
Oh shut up! You still haven't explained why the pool is filled with elf blood!
I told you earlier, it was the Great Circuiting.
You didn't mention no "Great Circuiting".
Oh, I didn't? [pause] Thousands of years ago...
I hate to be a buzz kill, but he said that your house is on elf graves and they're pissed off.
CCarl
All right, fine, we'll do that.
And the blood's just gonna keep flowing, unless ….
Unless Carl pays tribute to the Elfin Elders in space.
CCarl
I'll do it. What do I do?
You must give up yourself to the Great Red Ape.
CCarl
Okay … how much?
Sexually.
CCarl
… wonderful.
CCarl
What did you say your name was again?
GDGlenn Danzig
Danzig, mother fucker! I got a question: can you make the blood flow up the walls?
CCarl
Lemme go talk to my blood guy over here.
I don't see why not.
CCarl
That's elf blood, too. That ain't cheap--
GDGlenn Danzig
How much you want?
CCarl
Oh, I dunno...a million?
GDGlenn Danzig
Killer. Draft the check tomorrow.
CCarl
You're serious--THANK YOU GOD!!
GDGlenn Danzig
Now look, you listen to me as hard as you fucking can. That fucking robot came with the fuckin' house, and now he's fucking gone! If you see that mother--
Oh, don't worry, we'll tell you!
GDGlenn Danzig
You fucking better. If I find out he's over here, I'm gonna be eating my cereal out of the bottom of your fuckin' skull! Verstandlich?!! [Glenn walks away]
Ok. So... thank you
[To Cybernetic Ghost] Hey you come out now. He's gone.
(about Danzig) I cannot live with that guy. He is so annoying, he is so frightening, and he doesn't wear a shirt.
You make our house bleed right now!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.