Lemme break it down for you, Fred.
CACordy [as Buffy]
Oh, Angel, I know that I am a Slayer, and you're a vampire and it would be impossible for us to be together, but--
WAWesley [as Angel]
But... my gypsy curse sometimes prevents me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy...
CACordy [as Buffy]
Yes, Angel?
WAWesley [as Angel]
I love you so much, I almost forgot to brood.
CACordy [as Buffy]
And just because I sent you to Hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends.
WAWesley [as Angel]
Or possibly more?
CACordy [as Buffy]
Gasp! No! We mustn't!
WAWesley [as Angel]
Kiss me!
CACordy [as Buffy]
Bite me!
[entering] How 'bout you both bite me?
I think those two pretty much summed it up.
[Looks at the walls] Are you gonna remember everything that's up there?
FFred
Well, sure. It's a story. Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived all alone in a horrible cave - so far from home it made her chest hurt. And every day in that horrible cave, the girl tried to figure out a way to escape. None of her plans ever succeeded, of course, and she'd almost given up hopin' - when one day, just like in a fairy tale - a handsome man rode up on a horse and saved her, and took her back to his castle. Now you'd think that was the end, wouldn'tcha? Dumb old fairy tales and their happily ever afters. But see, the minute they got back to the castle, the handsome man went away again. And even though she didn't mean to - didn't want to - high up in that castle the girl just built herself another cave. Hoping he would save her again. [Looks at Angel] But you can't save me this time. Can you?
Vampires can't have children. Wesley?
Ah, no, he's right. It's not possible.
You know we can't. I know we can't. But we did.
FFred
I wonder if this might not be that bad thing we were expecting.
[She hits Angel across the face and he stumbles back against the weapons cabinet behind him.]
Cordy that's Darla. Maybe you don't want to...
Did you or did you not look me in the eye and say that you would *never* do a thing like this with her?
Oh, he lied? What a surprise.
[Fred carrying a glass of water]
FFred
Hi. I'm Fred. Is water okay, or did you want some blood?
[Darla takes the water as Wes gently pulls Fred back away from Darla.]
Cordy. I'm sorry I lied. It was just...it was a very dark time.
Oh! You used her to make you feel better during your dark time. Well, that makes it all heroic.
It wasn't like that. It just happened. It wasn't like I went evil or anything, I just...
You just went male. [She brushes the hair out of Darla's face.] Have you been to a doctor?
[Darla gives her a look]
No. But I have been to every shaman and seer in the Western Hemisphere.
They don't know what it is. They don't know what it means. Nothing like this has ever happened.
Maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy.
Angel's old flame, from way back.
FFred
Not the one who died?
Yeah. No, not that one, the other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire.
FFred
Do y'all have a chart or somethin'?
In the files. I'll get it for you later.
[Angel stares at Cordelia, working up the nerve to confess his feelings for her.]
Why are you looking at me like that?
Okay. It's getting creepy now.
I was just thinking about things. People. You know, how they relate. Take you and me, for instance. We're very different. Very different. Obviously. [points at Cordy] Human, [points at self] vampire. [points at Cordy] Woman, [points at self] man... pire.
Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?
[chuckles] See? You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in a while, but you...
Angel, are you trying to say you love me?
[calling into Wesley's office] Angel loves me! I love him!
You guys love us and we love you!
WFWesley, Fred, Gunn
[offscreen, in chorus] We love you, Angel!
They were all saying it earlier. Just in case this prophecy comes true and we all die. You're not gonna want a hug, are you?
[Darla starts groaning in pain after Cordelia punches her.]
Oh, come on, tough girl. You're a vampire. A punch in the nose shouldn't hurt that much.
FFred
Not aaow her nose. She's having contractions!
[Darla screams]
Human as is in humanoid? As in cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers?
No - human as in - a boy.
A boy. A boy. You're carrying a boy.
Gonna have a son. I'm gonna have a son.
FFred
Guys. As fascinating as an ultra-sound image of an unborn child may appear...
Me. A father. To a son. You know what that means?
FFred
We're surrounded by vampires?
[He trails off as he looks away from the monitor for the first time and notices the vampires lining the teaching gallery above them and the back wall of the room.]
Oh. We are surrounded by vampires.
Darla, you might wanna join the fight.
Sorry, darling. I'm gonna have to be Switzerland and sit this one out. Now, you did say you were just gonna kill the humans, right?
Yes, just the humans. Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child.
Gunn, you and I can hold them off for as long as we can. The rest of you, get Darla to the car.
Oh, I'd rather stay and fight. Show these youngsters a thing or two about real carnage.
That's thoughtful, but, you know, you should go.
FFred
Charles, do you have an extra dagger I could borrow?
[Gunn pulls out a dagger and hands it to her.]
No my count of three. One, two...
[Fred holds the dagger against Darla's belly.]
FFred
You freaks make one move and I'll slice the miracle kid into triplets.
It's always the quiet ones.
FFred
[quietly to Darla] They don't know the knife can't hurt the baby.
[smiling] They do now. Vampires have great hearing.
[Darla is still in the back of the car. Wesley is sitting on the trunk facing Fred, standing behind the car. Gunn is sitting on the side of the passenger door. Cordelia starts the car.]
It's been six and a half.
FFred
It probably wouldn't hurt to wait another minute, right? I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen in another minute? [Darla lets out a blood-curdling scream.] Ask a stupid question...
Her water's broken. This is for real. There should be a blanket in the trunk.
What are we gonna do? Deliver the kid right here? Shouldn't we go somewhere?
FFred
What's keeping Angel?
[Gunn gets the blanket out of the trunk and he and Wesley help a screaming Darla to lie down in the back seat while the camera pulls up to give us an overhead view of them.]
[Cordy, Wes, Fred, and Gunn all sit in the front of the convertible, leaving a very pregnant Darla alone in the back.]
Doesn't anyone wanna sit back here with me?
I promise I won't throw anyone out of the car. Not while it's moving.
FFred
It's not that we don't trust you. I mean, we don't trust you, but, the fact is, your water broke all over the back seat.
DDoctor
I'm happy to report you have a healthy baby boy.
Oh, great. But I'm not the mother.
DDoctor
Oh, I'm sorry. (turns to Fred) I'm happy to report you have a healthy baby boy.
I'm afraid the mother is, ah, no longer in the picture.
DDoctor
I see. Well, his height and weight are in the ninetieth percentile. We gave him his vitamin K and his PKU and he's doing very well. We don't seem to have his - what's his name?
(arriving) Connor. His name is Connor.
DDoctor
Connor. Thank you. Mr. (looks at the papers) Angel. And congratulations.
Angel · 793 quotes
