Media quotes from American Gods

Media

Mass delusions are as old as I am. I was there when the Martians invaded in 1938. What a panic. Powerful panic. Now there are starmen waiting in the sky. They believed it was true, and it was.

Media

[as Lucy Ricardo] Look at me, Shadow, all in Hi-def. We shot the show in 35mm, cutting edge. Looks like hell in the transfer. Funny how things supposed to make you look good only make it worse. I can't even fill the whole screen.

Shadow

...The fuck is this!?

Media

Just little old me.

Shadow

I'm talking to Lucille Ball...

Media

Lucy Ricardo. I'm all sorts, Shadow. The screen is the altar. I'm the one they sacrifice to. Then till now. Golden Age to Golden Age. They sit side by side, ignore each other, and give it up to me. Now they hold a smaller screen on their lap or in the palm of their hand so they don't get bored watching the big one. Time and attention, better than lamb's blood. Huh. They beat your pretty face all up. I hate that. I hate that they were hurting you, Shadow. I would never do that to you, honey. No, I want to offer you a job.

Shadow

Doing what?

Media

Working for me. I want you in my camp with us. Look at it like this, Shadow; We're the coming thing. We are already here. We are self-driving cars and 3D printers and subdermal time-release insulin. And your old boss is still selling oranges on the side of the road. Not even organic. We are now and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. And he ain't even yesterday anymore. I heard about the trouble you had with the Technical Boy. I was impressed with how you dealt with him. Efficient, no-nonsense, effective. Who'd have thought you had it in you? He was underestimating you, sweetheart. They all are. Not a mistake I'll make.

Shadow

Yeah well I don't wanna work for you...I Love Lucy...We're done.

Media

Whatever the old guys are giving you, I can give you so much more. You name it, honey. What do you need? Hey, you ever wanted to see Lucy's tits?

Shadow

I Love Lucy? How the fuck are you floating!!?

Media

Happy Birthday Mr. President.

Shadow

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You you you're TV. You you you were black and white.

Media

I'm as colorful as the story I'm telling. This one's filmed in glorious Technicolor. Full-color pinup to film legend to murdered. Oh, don't believe what they say about an accidental overdose. Last thing I saw from the floor of my Brentwood bungalow was a CIA spook jabbing a needle into my eyeball, lest I tell Kennedy tales unwanted. Isn't that delicious?!

Media

Wouldn't you like an upgrade? A brand new, lemon-scented you?

Oh I'm a fine me. I just keep getting better every year.

Of course you are, and that is the you that deserves to be seen incorporated. Everyone in the world gets their place.

With you?

That's why they call me Mr. World.

And if they disagree?

I get it. I do. [chuckling] You're an individualist. Rugged individualism. It simply doesn't work anymore. Brands. Sure. A useful heuristic. But ultimately, everything is all systems interlaced, a single product manufactured by a single company for a single global market. Spicy, medium, or chunky. They get a choice, of course. Of course! But they are buying salsa.

An oyster. Inside every pearl there's a single irritating grain of sand. That's me. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here. Just like an oyster, you're trying to cover me up with something smooth and shiny. Pretty on a necklace, but inside the shell, that slimy thing just wants that scratchy thing out of there. You say merger? I hear exile.

Media

It's not our fault they found other ways to occupy their time.

That's all you do, occupy their time. We gave back. We gave them meaning.

Then give it to them again.

Media

You feel you've been treated unfairly?

Easter

I feel misrepresented in the media.

Media

Put a pillow over that feeling and bear down until it stops kicking. St. Nick took the same deal you did. The only reason why you're relevant today is because Easter is a Christian holiday.

Media

We are the distributors. The platform and the delivery mechanism. We control the story. We control the flow.

Technical Boy

We are the flow.

What you offer is existential crisis aversion. "Don't look over there, look over here." "Don't listen to that, listen to this." You provide a product, an innovative distraction and you keep innovating it and you keep providing it. The beauty of what we do is we only need to inspire.

Technical Boy

Hmm, you don't have the juice. And don't act like your fucking rent boy here is your disciple. Here's the thing: you're old as fuck. Things are never going back to the way that they were. The times, they are a-changing. You can't fight progress.

Technical Boy

Media! Oh, Media! Come out, come out, wherever you are. All this normy noise is making me itch. [looks at neon sign for Xie Comm] Hey! I see you. Come on, Mr. World wants you. [reading signs] "We can't drive into the future using only our rearview mirror." No shit. Come on, get in the car.

Technical Boy

The twentieth century is ancient history. Like the faces you wear! Bowie and Marilyn and I Love Lucy - they are so fucking retro! And art? Art is irrelevant!

Media

[as a voice on Technical Boy's iPhone] Art is the most valuable means of insight into the direction of our collective purpose.

Technical Boy

You're looking for insight.

Media

The appetite for distraction is infinite.

Technical Boy

You're looking for insight.

Media

[as a voice on a TV commercial in a shop window] I can choke them with trivia, drown them in passive pleasures, and devastate their spirituality with baby talk.

Technical Boy

Wednesday scared the shit outta you, so now you're back in school.

Media

There is no distinction between education and entertainment. I am adapting, learning to survive.

Technical Boy

If I go back emptyhanded, he'll downvote my ass to obsolete!

Media

I will not launch before I'm prepared.

Technical Boy

World needs you back, right now! Get your incomprehensively aggravat--

Media

[on iPhone] Goodbye.

Technical Boy

Fatal flaw. Underestimating me. You think you can ghost in my machine? I am mankind's greatest achievement. I am the compass rose. I am fucking binary! Without me, shit don't spin. You can't hide. So lick your wounds, strap on whichever do makes you feel the most-est, put your face on, and come out! Come on! Mr. World needs you. Do not make me hunt you. Out of respect, I'm gonna give you a minute. Good talk. [takes off his virtual reality goggles and walks away] Fuck!