Wednesday quotes from American Gods

It's not every day a man gets to bury his wife.

I offer you the worm from my beak and you look at me like I fucked your mom.

Shadow

Sorry, no. You're just the first person I talked to that wasn't an asshole.

Give me time.

Mad Sweeney

He's hustling you. He's a hustler.

Damn right I'm a hustler. Swindler, cheater, and liar. That's why I need assistance.

Too many people tell each other not to repress their emotions, to release their feelings, to let the pain go. There's a lot to be said for bottling up emotions. [pause] I'm gonna tell you something and you're gonna want to hurt me, but what I say has gotta be said. So I want you to consider my words very carefully and refrain from knocking my teeth out.

Shadow

Say it.

Word on the street is your wife died sucking your best friend's cock. And you, sir, are only obligated to feel bad about that for so long.

Shadow

Thank you...for warning me.

Shadow

I think I'm losing my mind.

Well, when will you know for sure?

Shadow

I've heard of guys losing it when they get out.

Are you trying to wiggle your way out of this job?

Shadow

Lucy...I-Love-Lucy talked to me.

Oh, the television program?

Shadow

No, Lucy herself came-- This is so fucking crazy.

And like the rest of your life is sane?

Shadow

Lucy talking to me from the TV is weirder by several orders of magnitude than anything that's ever happened to me.

So far. Oh, at times the universe does seem to have singled you out for unique abuse. In these moments, you gotta ask yourself: Would I rather be ignored?

Shadow

Yes.

Okay, yes, ignore me. Always better dead than forgotten. And no one is ever gonna forget you. Now, flattering as that may be, this, on top of your other adventures-- Hmm.

Shadow

Sudden onset of strange.

Fair cause for consternation, unless strange is a new language and what we're doing here is vocabulary building.

Shadow

Fuck your vocabulary.

Okay. This is gibberish. Seems you have a choice. You may have to consider that you didn't see what you saw.

Shadow

Or?

Or you did. The world is either crazy or you are. They're both solid options. Take your pick, and when you decide, come and tell me. But don't rush into it. Take your time. Difficult decision.

Shadow

They threatened to reprogram reality. I mean, is-- Is that what this is? Are they just fucking with my head? Are you fucking with my head?

There are bigger sacrifices one might be asked to make than going a little mad.

That woman thinks Jesus suffered for her sins. They're her sins, why should Jesus do all the suffering?

Shadow

Cause his dad sacrificed his ass.

Don't blame the parent. Plenty of suffering and blame to go around. Although that White Jesus could stand a little more suffering. He's doing very well for himself these days.

Shadow

And how many colors does Jesus come in?

Well you got your white, Jesuit-style Jesus, you got your black African Jesus, you got your brown Mexican Jesus, you got your swarthy Greek Jesus.

Shadow

That's a...That's a lot of Jesus.

There's a lot of need for Jesus, so there are a lot of Jesus.

Shadow

Wasn't supposed to snow today. Wasn't even supposed to be cold.

So, you're perfectly okay believing that tiny people on television can predict the weather. But you crinkle with consternation at the mere suggestion that you could make it snow.

Shadow

One of those things is science, okay? The other is fantasy.

You're talking about it like it's apples and oranges.

Shadow

It's not apples and oranges, okay? It's reality and fantasy.

Oh, so that's how the world works! It's either real or it's fantasy?

Shadow

Yeah, that's how the world works.

Yeah, says the man who hasn't seen it. Shadow, at best, you suffer from a failure of imagination. We're gonna have to fix that.

This is the only country in the world that wonders what it is.

Shadow

You've been to a lot of other countries, have you?

No. No, never, just this one. Just that the others know what they are. I mean, no one wonders about the heart of Norway or goes searching for the soul of Mozambique. Mozambique knows what it is. They all know what they are.

Shadow

Americans know who they are.

They pretend they know. But it's still just pretending, like I'm pretending now. Just like you.

Shadow

What am I pretending?

You are pretending you cannot believe in impossible things.

Shadow

Uh, I'd be genuinely deluded if I believed that shit.

If you are deluded, I believe it's genuine. You don't strike me as the disingenuous type. Okay, let's go.

Shadow

Huh? Did I make snow?

Did you make snow? Well, if you choose to believe you made snow, then you get to live the rest of your life believing that you can do things that are impossible. Or you can believe it's a delusion.

Shadow

No, see, delusions feel real, okay?

That's why it's a delusion.

Shadow

None of this feels real. It feels like a dream.

What a beautiful, beautiful thing to be able to dream when you're not asleep. I've-- I've crossed enough paths to know that one in four people are rock stupid. Even the smart ones have got some kind of delusion they believe in, whether it's gods or ghosts. Do you believe in love?

Shadow

Yeah, I believe the shit out of love.

Did you always?

Shadow

Not before Laura.

So you didn't believe till you did, and then the world changed because you believed. Belief is only a product of the company we keep and how easily we scare. And you do not scare easily.

Shadow

And my company is questionable.

Always has been. The only thing that scares me is being forgotten. I can survive most things but not that. Very best part of memory is it's mostly about forgetting. We remember what's important to us.

Media

Wouldn't you like an upgrade? A brand new, lemon-scented you?

Oh I'm a fine me. I just keep getting better every year.

Of course you are, and that is the you that deserves to be seen incorporated. Everyone in the world gets their place.

With you?

That's why they call me Mr. World.

And if they disagree?

I get it. I do. [chuckling] You're an individualist. Rugged individualism. It simply doesn't work anymore. Brands. Sure. A useful heuristic. But ultimately, everything is all systems interlaced, a single product manufactured by a single company for a single global market. Spicy, medium, or chunky. They get a choice, of course. Of course! But they are buying salsa.

An oyster. Inside every pearl there's a single irritating grain of sand. That's me. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here. Just like an oyster, you're trying to cover me up with something smooth and shiny. Pretty on a necklace, but inside the shell, that slimy thing just wants that scratchy thing out of there. You say merger? I hear exile.

Media

It's not our fault they found other ways to occupy their time.

That's all you do, occupy their time. We gave back. We gave them meaning.

Then give it to them again.

I franchised my faith.

Franchised?

You are what you worship. God of the volcano. Those who worship hold a volcano in the palm of their hand. It’s filled with prayers in my name. The power of fire is firepower. Not god, but godlike. And they believe. It fills their spirits every time they pull the trigger. They feel my heat on their hip and it keeps them warm at night.

Easter

Come here, sweet Shadow. Allow me to impart some wisdom. There's far too many secret societies out there. They have no loyalty and no love. They range from barely competent to deeply dangerous.

You don't sound like one of us.

Easter

I'm not one of you.

Oh, yes you are. You're as forgotten and as unloved and unremembered as any of us.

Easter

I'm doing just fine. Happy Easter. Christ is Risen. Hello, boys!

Well, you were before these assholes were born. Until the day that Jesus Christ crawled out of his stinky old grave, folks would paint eggs with dandelions and paprika for her. To exchange as gifts at the first sign of Spring in her name: Ostara.

Easter

Oh, they still do. They still do! On my festival days they still feast on eggs and rabbit and candy and they do it in my name.

Serious question, my dear, I have no doubt that millions upon millions exchange tokens and observe the rituals of your festival all down to the hunting of hidden eggs, but does anybody pray in your name? Do they say it in worship? Well, they mouth your name but they have no idea what it means. None whatsoever. Same every Spring: you do all the work, he gets all the prayers.

Easter

What has gotten into you?!

I feel terrible about this...

Easter

[comforting him] No! No!

It's her day! You took it. You crucified her day! When they started following you, everybody else got burned, in your name! Happy fucking Easter!

Media

We are the distributors. The platform and the delivery mechanism. We control the story. We control the flow.

Technical Boy

We are the flow.

What you offer is existential crisis aversion. "Don't look over there, look over here." "Don't listen to that, listen to this." You provide a product, an innovative distraction and you keep innovating it and you keep providing it. The beauty of what we do is we only need to inspire.

Technical Boy

Hmm, you don't have the juice. And don't act like your fucking rent boy here is your disciple. Here's the thing: you're old as fuck. Things are never going back to the way that they were. The times, they are a-changing. You can't fight progress.

People create gods when they wonder why things happen. Do you know why things happen? Because gods make them happen. You wanna know how to make good things happen? Be good to your god. You give a little, you get a little. The simplicity of that bargain has always been appealing. That's why we're here, and that's precisely why I matter.

You only matter in matters of war. And there's not going to be a war. We have the guns. We have the firepower. You have the swords and knives and hammers and stone axes. We fight, we win. We don't fight, we win.

Technical Boy

You die out either way.

You are the passenger pigeons and thylacines. Nobody cares about you. It's either going to be a bloodbath, or we'll wait you out and get the whole thing without a fuss. My message to you: don't fight.

Do you have faith, Shadow?

Shadow

What are you?

Do you know me? Do you know what I am? Do you want to know my name?

Shadow

Tell me.

This is what I am called. I am called Glad-of-War, Grim, Raider, and Third. I am One-Eyed. I am also called Highest, and True-Guesser. I am Grimnir, and the Hooded One. I am All-Father, Gondlir, Wand-Bearer. I have as many names as there are winds, as many titles as there are ways to die! My ravens are Huginn and Muninn, Thought and Memory! My wolves are Freki and Geri! My horse is the gallows! I am ODIN!!!