Shadow quotes from American Gods

Shadow

Best thing, only good thing about being in prison, is the relief. You don't worry if they're going to get you when they already got you. Tomorrow can't do anything today hasn't already managed.

Even better with a death sentence. Bang. Worst has already happened. You get a few days to let it sink in, and then you're riding the cart on the way to do your dance on nothing. This country went to hell when they stopped hanging folks. No gallows dirt, no gallows deals.

Shadow

No gallows humor.

Yeah. Funniest fucking shit in the world. Ha ha!

Shadow

You know, I'm not superstitious. I believe in plenty when there's reason and evidence to believe. I don't believe in anything I can't see. I feel like there's a fucking axe hanging over my head. You know, I can't see it, but I believe it.

I can see it fine. Prison has a way of trying to keep you in prison. They'll do anything they can to keep you inside with them.

I offer you the worm from my beak and you look at me like I fucked your mom.

Shadow

Sorry, no. You're just the first person I talked to that wasn't an asshole.

Give me time.

Mad Sweeney

How much has our man told you?

Shadow

No details.

Mad Sweeney

The devil's in the details.

Technical Boy

Hello, Shadow. Don't fuck with me.

Shadow

Okay. I won't. Uh, but if you could just drop me off at the Motel America-

Technical Boy

Hit him.

Technical Boy

See, I said don't fuck with me. Now that, that was fucking with me. Keep your answers short and to the point, or I will fucking kill you. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just have the children break every bone in your fucking body. So don't. Fuck. With. Me.

Shadow

Got it.

Technical Boy

You're working for Wednesday.

Shadow

Yeah.

Technical Boy

Smoke?

Shadow

No, thank you. [coughing] Well, it's not tobacco, and it ain't weed. Smells like an appliance fire.

Technical Boy

Synthetic Toad Skins. What the fuck is Wednesday after? What's he doing here? There's got to be a plan. What's the game plan, man?

Shadow

I started working for Mr. Wednesday this morning.

Technical Boy

How auspicious. You must be special.

Shadow

No, I'm just an errand boy.

Technical Boy

Is that all? [coughing] Wednesday is history. Forgotten and old. He should just let it happen. We are the future, and we don't give a fuck about him or anyone else like him anymore. They are consigned to the dumpster. Now we have reprogrammed reality. Language is a virus. Religion, an operating system, and prayers are just so much fucking spam.

Shadow

Okay, w-well, y-you're saying all this like I'm supposed to know what the fuck you're talking about.

Too many people tell each other not to repress their emotions, to release their feelings, to let the pain go. There's a lot to be said for bottling up emotions. [pause] I'm gonna tell you something and you're gonna want to hurt me, but what I say has gotta be said. So I want you to consider my words very carefully and refrain from knocking my teeth out.

Shadow

Say it.

Word on the street is your wife died sucking your best friend's cock. And you, sir, are only obligated to feel bad about that for so long.

Shadow

Thank you...for warning me.

Media

[as Lucy Ricardo] Look at me, Shadow, all in Hi-def. We shot the show in 35mm, cutting edge. Looks like hell in the transfer. Funny how things supposed to make you look good only make it worse. I can't even fill the whole screen.

Shadow

...The fuck is this!?

Media

Just little old me.

Shadow

I'm talking to Lucille Ball...

Media

Lucy Ricardo. I'm all sorts, Shadow. The screen is the altar. I'm the one they sacrifice to. Then till now. Golden Age to Golden Age. They sit side by side, ignore each other, and give it up to me. Now they hold a smaller screen on their lap or in the palm of their hand so they don't get bored watching the big one. Time and attention, better than lamb's blood. Huh. They beat your pretty face all up. I hate that. I hate that they were hurting you, Shadow. I would never do that to you, honey. No, I want to offer you a job.

Shadow

Doing what?

Media

Working for me. I want you in my camp with us. Look at it like this, Shadow; We're the coming thing. We are already here. We are self-driving cars and 3D printers and subdermal time-release insulin. And your old boss is still selling oranges on the side of the road. Not even organic. We are now and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. And he ain't even yesterday anymore. I heard about the trouble you had with the Technical Boy. I was impressed with how you dealt with him. Efficient, no-nonsense, effective. Who'd have thought you had it in you? He was underestimating you, sweetheart. They all are. Not a mistake I'll make.

Shadow

Yeah well I don't wanna work for you...I Love Lucy...We're done.

Media

Whatever the old guys are giving you, I can give you so much more. You name it, honey. What do you need? Hey, you ever wanted to see Lucy's tits?

Shadow

I think I'm losing my mind.

Well, when will you know for sure?

Shadow

I've heard of guys losing it when they get out.

Are you trying to wiggle your way out of this job?

Shadow

Lucy...I-Love-Lucy talked to me.

Oh, the television program?

Shadow

No, Lucy herself came-- This is so fucking crazy.

And like the rest of your life is sane?

Shadow

Lucy talking to me from the TV is weirder by several orders of magnitude than anything that's ever happened to me.

So far. Oh, at times the universe does seem to have singled you out for unique abuse. In these moments, you gotta ask yourself: Would I rather be ignored?

Shadow

Yes.

Okay, yes, ignore me. Always better dead than forgotten. And no one is ever gonna forget you. Now, flattering as that may be, this, on top of your other adventures-- Hmm.

Shadow

Sudden onset of strange.

Fair cause for consternation, unless strange is a new language and what we're doing here is vocabulary building.

Shadow

Fuck your vocabulary.

Okay. This is gibberish. Seems you have a choice. You may have to consider that you didn't see what you saw.

Shadow

Or?

Or you did. The world is either crazy or you are. They're both solid options. Take your pick, and when you decide, come and tell me. But don't rush into it. Take your time. Difficult decision.

Shadow

They threatened to reprogram reality. I mean, is-- Is that what this is? Are they just fucking with my head? Are you fucking with my head?

There are bigger sacrifices one might be asked to make than going a little mad.

[chuckling] I think in the old country, you know, I am forgotten. Here, I'm like a bad memory. So, I had to find work, and I found meat business. You know it?

Shadow

I know the eating part.

I know the killing. [chuckling] So I got job on killing floor as a knocker. It was a good job. Yeah, skilled labor. A cow comes up the ramp. Boom, boom, boom. And you take a sledge hammer, and--Boop! You knock the cow dead. It takes strength.

No cow-killing stories during dinner!

How do you think meat get on your plate?! Huh? [chuckles] It takes strength, but not only strength. It takes talent, because it's a craft. You have to do it right, or the cow gets angry. And angry meat taste bad. Yeah, you need arms to break the skull, but that's not the goal. The goal is to crush the brain inside the skull, and quick, before the pain can travel from outside the brain to the inside, so the brain never knows the brain is crushing. To give a good death is art. But nowadays, they have this bolt gun. You know? Put it on the forehead [imitates gun firing] Yeah. Now every monkey with a thumb can kill. [laughs] They sit there all day and all night. [imitates gun firing] So much for killing.

Careful! The buffalo is waning tonight.

Shadow

You're Zorya Poluch...Pulch...The sister that was sleeping.

I am Zorya Polunochnaya, yes. And you are called Shadow.

Shadow

What are you looking at up there?

I was looking at that. See?

Shadow

The big dipper?

Odin's Wain, they call it. And the Great Bear. It is a thing. It's not a god. Like a god. It's a bad thing. Chained up in those stars. If it escapes, it will eat the whole of everything. So we watch the sky all day, all night, the three sisters. If he escapes, the thing in the stars, the world is over [snaps fingers] Like that.

Shadow

And people believe that?

A long time ago.

Shadow

[noticing her nightgown] You're not cold?

Cold doesn't bother me. This time is my time. My sisters, they're of their times. When is your time? Your birthday?

Shadow

No, I-I don't want my fortune told.

My fortunes are the best. [she takes Shadow's hand] Virgins have the advantage. And now we have something. Oh. No. You have nothing. You believe in nothing so you have nothing. You are on a path...from nothing to everything. You had something recently. You lost it.

Shadow

My-my wife.

Not your wife...Did you sell your head to Czernobog?

Shadow

Yeah.

You keep giving away your life. You don't much care if you live or die do you?

Shadow

The world's not what I thought it would be.

You'd rather die then live in a world with bears in the sky. I can help you. First, you must do something for me.

Shadow

What is it? Gotta fight you? Play checkers?

You have to kiss me. I have not ever been kissed. I don't know if I like it. We do this now.

Shadow

I-

...Kissing is disgusting, but in a nice way like blu cheese or brandy. Take the moon.

Shadow

What?

Just take it. Here.

Don't lose this. Don't give it away. You've been given protection once. You had the sun itself. I can give you the moon. It's the daughter, not the father. Now you wake up.

That woman thinks Jesus suffered for her sins. They're her sins, why should Jesus do all the suffering?

Shadow

Cause his dad sacrificed his ass.

Don't blame the parent. Plenty of suffering and blame to go around. Although that White Jesus could stand a little more suffering. He's doing very well for himself these days.

Shadow

And how many colors does Jesus come in?

Well you got your white, Jesuit-style Jesus, you got your black African Jesus, you got your brown Mexican Jesus, you got your swarthy Greek Jesus.

Shadow

That's a...That's a lot of Jesus.

There's a lot of need for Jesus, so there are a lot of Jesus.

Shadow

Wasn't supposed to snow today. Wasn't even supposed to be cold.

So, you're perfectly okay believing that tiny people on television can predict the weather. But you crinkle with consternation at the mere suggestion that you could make it snow.

Shadow

One of those things is science, okay? The other is fantasy.

You're talking about it like it's apples and oranges.

Shadow

It's not apples and oranges, okay? It's reality and fantasy.

Oh, so that's how the world works! It's either real or it's fantasy?

Shadow

Yeah, that's how the world works.

Yeah, says the man who hasn't seen it. Shadow, at best, you suffer from a failure of imagination. We're gonna have to fix that.

This is the only country in the world that wonders what it is.

Shadow

You've been to a lot of other countries, have you?

No. No, never, just this one. Just that the others know what they are. I mean, no one wonders about the heart of Norway or goes searching for the soul of Mozambique. Mozambique knows what it is. They all know what they are.

Shadow

Americans know who they are.

They pretend they know. But it's still just pretending, like I'm pretending now. Just like you.

Shadow

What am I pretending?

You are pretending you cannot believe in impossible things.

Shadow

Uh, I'd be genuinely deluded if I believed that shit.

If you are deluded, I believe it's genuine. You don't strike me as the disingenuous type. Okay, let's go.

Shadow

Huh? Did I make snow?

Did you make snow? Well, if you choose to believe you made snow, then you get to live the rest of your life believing that you can do things that are impossible. Or you can believe it's a delusion.

Shadow

No, see, delusions feel real, okay?

That's why it's a delusion.

Shadow

None of this feels real. It feels like a dream.

What a beautiful, beautiful thing to be able to dream when you're not asleep. I've-- I've crossed enough paths to know that one in four people are rock stupid. Even the smart ones have got some kind of delusion they believe in, whether it's gods or ghosts. Do you believe in love?

Shadow

Yeah, I believe the shit out of love.

Did you always?

Shadow

Not before Laura.

So you didn't believe till you did, and then the world changed because you believed. Belief is only a product of the company we keep and how easily we scare. And you do not scare easily.

Shadow

And my company is questionable.

Always has been. The only thing that scares me is being forgotten. I can survive most things but not that. Very best part of memory is it's mostly about forgetting. We remember what's important to us.

Shadow

I Love Lucy? How the fuck are you floating!!?

Media

Happy Birthday Mr. President.

Shadow

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You you you're TV. You you you were black and white.

Media

I'm as colorful as the story I'm telling. This one's filmed in glorious Technicolor. Full-color pinup to film legend to murdered. Oh, don't believe what they say about an accidental overdose. Last thing I saw from the floor of my Brentwood bungalow was a CIA spook jabbing a needle into my eyeball, lest I tell Kennedy tales unwanted. Isn't that delicious?!

Shadow

Did you always believe?

Did I always believe? I am belief, Shadow. I don't know how not to believe.

Shadow

I don't think I know how to. I think I maybe don't...don't really believe. You know, I don't really believe any of this. And maybe everything that's happened so far is just some kind of vivid dream. And I don't even know if I can believe that.

Even if you don't believe, you cannot travel in any other way then the road your senses show you. And you must walk that road to the end.

Do you have faith, Shadow?

Shadow

What are you?

Do you know me? Do you know what I am? Do you want to know my name?

Shadow

Tell me.

This is what I am called. I am called Glad-of-War, Grim, Raider, and Third. I am One-Eyed. I am also called Highest, and True-Guesser. I am Grimnir, and the Hooded One. I am All-Father, Gondlir, Wand-Bearer. I have as many names as there are winds, as many titles as there are ways to die! My ravens are Huginn and Muninn, Thought and Memory! My wolves are Freki and Geri! My horse is the gallows! I am ODIN!!!