(answers it) Uh, hello. Hey, Johnny, yeah. (to Hayley) It's work. (on the phone) Well, look in the book. Is it a warehouse item? (to Hayley, whispers) Five minutes.
Dad, you're talking to me on the phone, and in your voice. (after a long pause, Hayley found out what was going on) Oh my God! Are You KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Uh, I love you honey! I said it. See? **Hayley, wait! I can explain! I had a good reason. (Hayley brings out a box of matches) Oh, you grabbed some matches from the hotel-- little keepsake. Now, you don't want to tear one of those out. The serious collector keeps his matchbooks intact. (Hayley rips out a match and stikes it) Oh, now it's worthless.**
So, a lot of people think that C.I.A. stands for "Central Intelligence Agency". Not true, folks. Fact is, C.I.A. actually stands for "Stan Smith was born with both male and female genitalia".
Gee, I don't know Hayley. You think it might have something to do with me being drunk all the time? I'm an alcoholic, I have a problem, I'm just not ready to deal with it yet. Now get inside the suitcase.
(Hayley crouches in the suitcase and zips it up from the outside)
Hayley(from inside the suitcase): Are these...balloons filled with heroin?!
I don't understand, this shoulda worked! I learned that move from a chiropractor in his van in the alley behind the 7-Eleve—oh boy, I think I raped a guy.
[with heavy French accent] Mr. Francine, I know this must be upsetting. But understand I am a homosexual, yes?... You understand "homosexual"?...Yes?...So you will be loosing your wife not physically. But perhaps, emotionally. [walks into kitchen, Stan sits down on the couch]
