American Dad! · Season 1, Episode 8
“Bullocks to Stan” · Season 1, Episode 8
In this episode: Stan Smith (3), Francine Smith (3), Hayley Smith (3), Roger (2), Jeff Fischer (2), Steve Smith (1)
It's just a CIA carnival. Why are we folding napkins?
Because they'll be food and my boss likes to wipe his mouth on swans. [Roger places a human-folded napkin with a ball-like attached to its foot] What the hell is this?
Metrosexual soccer icon David Beckham. I can't do swans, I dunno why.
I know it's crazy, but I like him. He challenges me, and besides, he has a really huge--
Penis! I mean, Hayley. Dammit! I was trying to cut you off before you said--
I was going to say heart but, well, you shined his shoes.
I may be blonde with great cans, but I'm pretty smart when I've had my eight hours.
[Hayley and Jeff are on the hike]
Look, Jeff, I have bad news. This is a break-up hike.
What? But-but we're so good together.
No, we're not. You never challenge me. You just always agree with me.
You're right. I so do that.
I got the promotion, Francine!
Yes, but you lost my respect. You're not the man I married.
And you're not the man I married!
That doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't have to. I got a promotion!
[Steve is calling India]
Hello, India? Yeah, it's Pakistan. You know that nuclear peace treaty you sent over? Well, listen to this. [starts rubbing the phone receiver against his shoulder] Yeah, that's me wiping my butt with it. Oh, it is on. Meet me at the border at three o'clock.
[Roger takes the receiver from him]
Oh, and FYI, I'm punching a cow right now. [hangs up] That'll drive them crazy.
[Jeff is standing drunk in front of the Smith house]
Hayley! Hayley! [Hayley shows up]
What do you want, Jeff?
I've been drinking all night so I could get up the courage to tell you you're my woman. And I demand you come back.
No.
Okay. Bye.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
