Ling Woo quotes from Ally McBeal

Nelle

Ling, how can it not be a little degrading, women stranding around in bathing suits ? Guys whooping?

Ling

First, the women there make nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year. How? These drunken Neanderthals hurl money at them. Go into that club. You come out with a lower opinion of men, trust me.

Nelle

That could be true, but these girls do make that money with their bodies.

Ling

They make it, by teasing men with something they'll never get their hands on. That goes to the very essence of a woman.

Nelle

Excuse me?

Ling

Sex is a weapon. We all use it, we tease, we tantalize, we withhold it, something we do in almost every walk of life, be it marriage, business. God gave us that advantage by giving men the dumb stick.

So, as a woman, you see nothing wrong with putting out naked girls in a ring, rubbing mud on their breasts for the sole purpose of titillating men?

Ling

No.

Nothing at all ?

Ling

Suppose we put them in a ring as boxers and cheer for one to knock the other unconscious. Would that be better?

You're comparing boxing to mud-wrestling ?

Ling

Of course not. Boxing is worse. Talk about reducing people -- let's pay two men to beat on each other, how rich!

Have you ever met any women in your club ?

Ling

Why should I?

Never bothered to check out their backgrounds, find out why it is their living is based on sexual desires?

Ling

It would be hypocritical for me to ask. It would suggest I care.

Maybe a few of them feel like they have little choice. Perhaps for some it represents their only choice.

Ling

Well, then how lucky they are to have you to take that choice away! With feminists like you, who needs chauvinism?

Ling, uh, do you still like this guy?

Ling Woo

No! No, I- I'm with Richard now. I- I... I might... I mean, he's not Richard.

Oh, come on. Richard has the depth of an ashtray. He's got nothing to offer but money and sperm, and you know it.

Nelle Porter

You having fun with this case?

Ling Woo

It's okay. I prefer being a plaintiff, but a defendant's nice too. I get a martyr glow.

Ling Woo

So Jackson Duper, you don't tell a woman your real name?

Jackson Duper

Hey, for all I knew...

Ling Woo

You knew me well enough to go to bed with me.

Jackson Duper

Look...

Ling Woo

Why the alias? You wanted?

Jackson Duper

No.

Ling Woo

Certainly not by me.

Jackson Duper

Excellent. Do I get to talk

Ling Woo

Fine. Quick, think up something.

Jackson Duper

Look...

Ling Woo

We're back to look.

Jackson Duper

Hey...

Ling Woo

We're back to hey.

Jackson Duper

Ling...

Ling Woo

How do you know my real name? Oh that's right, I gave it to you. What an odd thing to do.

Ling Woo

Do you know how his father died?

Ally McBeal

No. Do you?

Ling Woo

Yes, I overheard the nurses talking. He was crushed by a tree that was struck by lightning. THAT was an act of God, so we go after the Church, HOUSE of God. I need to pee.

Ling Woo

Oh God they got a new singer here? I can't keep up.

Nelle Porter

You don't know who that is?

Ling Woo

Why, should I?

Nelle Porter

That's Elton John!

Ling Woo

What is he doing here?

Nelle Porter

He's getting ready to tour or something. He's trying out material.

Ling Woo

Well can we get him to turn it down?