Stuart quotes from All That

[Mark Saul; he is impersonating Dullmont Jr. High School's yearbook photographer] "Oh, hey there, little fella; ya ready to get your...picture taken?"

"Well, I'm not. First, I must dance..."

[pretends to take a student's picture with a life-sized replica of an iguana] That picture's gonna come out just great!

But, that's not a camera; that's an iguana.

You can't prove that!

She doesn't know what she's talking about, Mr. Camera.

Look, nut! This is a camera, and that's an iguana.

And I'm a goat. [He bleats like a goat, and eats a handful of grass.]

A freak bag is what you are.

That's him! That's the little hooligan that tied me up and hid me under the desk!"

Fine, I'm not the real yearbook photographer. I'm just a guy named Stuart. But you know something? If I was the real yearbook photographer, I'd be the best yearbook photographer IN ALL THE LAND! People would come up to me and say 'Oh, Stuart, you're the best yearbook photographer...EVER!!!!!' You all sicken me!! Now I'm going to get on my pterodactyl and go. C'mon, Terence.

♪ Hi-i-i, everyone…it’s time for “Ask Ashley” ♪…

Tha-a-at’s me!

Hi, I’m Ashley, and I’m here to answer your letters. Our first letter comes from…Kirsten Fabian of New Orleans, Idaho. Mikey writes, “Dear Ashley…”

Tha-a-at’s me!

“Dear Ashley, I was at the zoo yesterday, and saw the strangest dog. It was swinging from tree to tree, eating bananas. When I tried to pet it, it pounded on its chest, grunted at me, and ran off. Why doesn’t this little doggie like me?”.

Gee, Lucinda. Maybe because it’s not a dog. IT’S A STINKIN’ MONKEY! A monkey, you dunderheaded dodo! And what a coincidence; I’m also a dinosaur.

Mmmm. Tastes like chicken.

And what do you think, Mr. Teddy Bear?

Oopsy! Looks like Mr. Teddy lost his heady!

Our next letter comes from…Debbie Cossetto of Salt Lake City, Alaska. Malcolm writes, “Dear Ashley…”

Tha-a-at’s me!

“Dear Ashley, everywhere I go, people kick me. It all started a few days ago, when someone slapped me on the back. My friend Janey pointed at my back, and saw something attached to it. But I’m not sure what she was getting at. Ashley, please help”. Gee, Gertrude. It might help to TAKE THE STINKIN’ “KICK ME” SIGN OFF YOUR BACK!

“I’m Wayne, and I have a ‘KICK ME’ sign taped to my back, and blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-BLAH”!

And speaking of blah-dee-blahs, let’s mambo!

Hey, we were watching television, and saw you with the dinosaurs and dancing and whatnot, and, well…

Yeah; who are you tryin’ to kid? You ain’t no Ask Ashley!

Why, whatever do you mean? I hope you’re not suggesting I tied up the real Ashley, and hid her over there by the camera lady!

You WHAT?!

That’s him! He tied me up and put me next to this camera lady!

Camera lady, you let this boy tie up Ask Ashley, and you didn’t do anything about it?!

Sorry.

All right, fine! I’m not the real “Ask Ashley”. I’m just a guy, named Stuart.

But you know something? If I was the real Ask Ashley, I’d be the greatest Ashley IN ALL THE LAND! And whenever I’d give advice, people from everywhere would say, “Oh; why, Ashley, that was the most beautiful advice I’ve ever heard…EVER!” You all sicken me.

Except you. Thanks for the help. Now, there’s only one thing left for me to do…buh-bye, everybody!