MMike
Arch, did you ever stop to think... When that crate dropped, maybe God was out to get you, and missed?
S5Archie and the Miracle
Have you got your dollar for the collection plate?
Archie: Yeah, got it right over here in my wallet. Geez, a dollar a week in that plate from now on. Comes to what? Nearly fifty bucks a year.
Edith: Archie, you said yourself you was paying back the Lord for saving your life.
Mike: Ten cents would've covered that.
MMike
I tried fixing that toilet again, I can't do it. Maybe we'll just have to get another one.
Gloria: Yeah. Two heads are better than one.
Fightin' that copper ball takes all the fun out of going to the toilet!
S5George and Archie Make a Deal
Archie, are you sure Abraham Lincoln signed the Declaration Of Independence?
Archie: Sure, four score and seven years ago.
MMike
Racial balance is important in everything. Take education: Why do you think it's so tough for a black student to become a doctor?
Archie: Because nobody wants to see a black guy coming at them with a knife.
(to Edith) Don't be singing, the neighbors will think I'm killing ya here.
S5Archie's Contract
SMr. Scanlan
A BTU, Mrs. Bunker, means British thermal units.
Archie: Yeah. I think we traded some destroyers for them.
By the time they finish here this house is going to look like a four-room car wash.
SMr. Scanlan
Now, we have a contract, Mr. Bunker—
Gloria: Signed under duress.
Archie: Yeah, without knowing I was under the dress.
Ain't there some law against taking advantage of the simple-minded?
Archie: Well, is there? Because if there ain't, there oughta be!
S5The Jeffersons Move Up
And here we have the living area, where we does our living. And here we have the dining area, where we does our dining. And through this door is the kitchen area—
Louise: Where we does our kitchening.
BMr. Bentley
Take a walk on the small of my back, would you?
George: Say what?
Louise: Well, you wanted to move up to the East Side. Take a walk!
Lionel, you better go to your room. I don't want you to get hit by your father.
Lionel: Why is he going to hit me?
Louise: Because I'm not sure where I'm going to throw him!
S5Archie and the Quiz
I'll probably live long enough to see them put a man on Mars.
Mike: What if they do that next year?
Archie: What I won't live long enough to see is a Meathead on a payroll.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's All in the Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.