I'm married. They give me five years for having Edith. Thought they'd dock me for that.
S5Archie and the Quiz
MMike
"Deduct three years for wealthy or poor."
Archie: Wealthy or poor? What the hell else is there?
Gloria: Middle-class, which is what we are.
Mike: Well, actually, we're lower-middle class.
Archie: As I remember it, we was "upper" until you joined the family.
If you keep minusing, I'll be dead in 1965!
Give me plus-four!
Gloria: Minus, daddy.
Archie: If you don't let me win a few, you're going to be minus daddy!
S5No Smoking
My mother always said, if God had intended people to smoke, He would have put chimneys on their heads.
MMike
So what are you saying? Cigar smoking is an inalienable right?
Archie: It's for the aliens, it's for the native born...
MMike
I'm not used to sleeping on this side of the bed!
Archie: Well, when I sleep with Edith, my wife, I sleep on this side of the bed.
Mike: Well, when I sleep with Gloria, I sleep on that side of the bed.
Archie: But you are sleeping now with the guy that OWNS the bed!
Are you telling me that your sinus is draining in this bed? You mean that I'm sleeping with a guy with a leak?
Links
All in the Family Quotes and and Archie Bunker-isms
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