“Looking for Lucky” quotes from ALF

ALF

[trying to hynotize Lucky] Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are getting sleepy. You are no longer a cat, you are a bagel.

Willie

Hey ALF?

ALF

Woah. You scared me. You ought to wear a bell.

Willie

What's going on here?

ALF

[holding Willie's watch] Uh, I was just teaching Lucky how to tell time. Show Willie what you've learned.

Willie

You were hypnotizing him, weren't you?

ALF

Okay, you caught us. I'm trying to help Lucky with a smoking problem.

Willie

Alright, it looks like it's once again time to restate the rules of the house. Rule #1: We do not eat members of the family.

ALF

Willie, Willie, Willie. Lucky and I were just kidding around.

Willie

Look, I've got to go pick up Kate and the kids. While I'm gone, I'd like you to refrain from kidding lucky.

ALF

No problem.

Willie

I'd also like you to refrain from playing with priceless family heirlooms. It's broken.

ALF

Lucky fell on it. You know, it's not always true that they land on their feet.

Willie

Lucky? Lucky don't listen to him. You're not a bagel. You're not a bagel!

ALF

But you are getting sleepy. Just kidding! [laughs]

ALF

So, what are you guys in for? Okay, be that way. Just tell me one thing. That sign over there, does neutered mean what I think it does? I guess it does. Anybody have a coat hanger? I'll show you how to get out of this dump.

[offscreen] Here we go, boy.

ALF

X-nay on the anger-hay. I think the screw is coming. Oh my gosh, he's got a horse!

Okay, who wants a roommate? [locks a dog in the cage with ALF]

ALF

What are you doing without your jockey? Just kidding, just kidding! This whole planet's up tight. Come on, guys. Let's loosen up! [singing] "On Wisconsin, on Wisconsin" [normal voice] Jump in when you're ready, lets go; come on. [singing] "On Wisconsin, on Wisconsin" [his song gets cut off when Keith comes in]

Hey, hold it down in here! There you go.

ALF

Lucky? [after Keith leaves, he talks to a dog next door] Psst, hey, hey Trigger. Act cool. Listen. You seem like a sweetheart, I'm gona let you break out of here with me tonight. Yeah. Here's the plan. We wait until it gets dark, then me, you, and that cat over there, are going to make a run for it. Alright? Look, all you have to do is gnaw through this wire mash. Got that? Good. X-nay, X-nay.

ALF

There you go, Luckheimer. Oh, yeah. Who'd ever thought we'd see the day, when they'd trust me to feed you? Right now I'm in the catbird seat; sort of speak. Right now I can get away with murder; sort of speak. Right now, I could walk over to that refrigerator over there, grab a couple of slices of whole wheat bread, a little mayo, and slap together a B-L-T. Bacon, Lucky, and tomato. Yeah, I could do that. And they wouldn't even have the nerve to point their finger at the old Alfer. No, they'd probably blame Willie, before they'd blame me. Yep! I could do that. But I won't. And why is that? Because they trust me. But don't get too comfortable.