[comes out of the kitchen while the family is having dinner] Huh. Well, here's an expression I'm not often called on to use. ALF, your dinner's getting cold.
[comes to the dining room, singing] Uncle Neal has gone away, Doo-da doo-da, I can eat out here today, All doo-day long, Everybody! Gonna eat all day-
[interrupts ALF's song] ALF, I really don't appreciate that at all.
Okay. Then you wanna hear how I changed the words to "Helter Skelter"?
I'm gonna miss him. It was fun having Uncle Neal around.
Hmm. Well, he's just down the street. You can go visit him. I know he's really lonely since Margaret left him.
Hey, he had a bad marriage. Who hasn't, right, Willie?
What's Uncle Neal's new apartment like?
Much too close to this house.
It's nice. It's small but at least he has more room than he had in the camper.
I thought the camper was neat. It had a toilet right in the shower.
So do we. Oh, what? Like you've never done it?
[goes upstairs to the attic] Hi, ALF.
Don't you believe in knocking?
Well, what if you caught me at an awkward moment?
Let's just be grateful that that hasn't happened.
So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?
Oh, I was just, uh. I was looking around for some other things that Neal might be able to use in his new apartment. Yeah.
Well, I was planning on using them. Someday. When I got married.
If the day ever comes that you get married. I promise you, I'll buy you a whole new set of saucepans. And I'll dance on them.
It could happen. Look at Anne Bancroft and Mel Brooks. He could have anybody he wants. No, not that. You can't give him that.
Well, ALF, this is just an old fan.
It's not just any old fan. I use it to scrape my calluses.
Well, if you see anything else you like, by all means, take it.
Neal is getting his own apartment now, ALF. Hopefully things will be returning to normal here. I should think that would make you happy.
[offscreen] Willie, you up there?
I mean, yeah. Under the bed.
Okay, I will. And I won't let this degrade me at all, in case you're worried. [hides under the bed]
[arrives at the attic] Morning, Willie. I thought I heard you up here.
Yeah, yeah. I was just looking for some more stuff for your new apartment.
What, are you taking in boarders now?
Oh, that bed is Brian's old bed. You know how attached kids can get to their old furniture. Especially after they wet it.
Well, it's nice to know you've stuck to the old values. Oh, hey, I could really use this, Willie. [picks up a tape recorder as hears ALF's hiccups but Willie takes the tape recorder away from him]
The speed's all off. You don't want that.
Oh, hey, it's your old Clairmont High yearbook.
Yeah. I know. Let's look at it later.
You know, that's where I first met Margaret. Future Farmers.
Boy, that gal could really take down a steer.
Funny what first attracts you to a woman. Let's, uh. Let's go look in the garage, eh?
Willie, you gotta stop sometime. I only have a 1-bedroom apartment. [he and Willie go downstairs with a box]
[gets up from under the bed] If he wasn't the brother of my meal ticket, I'd clean his clock!
[gets out of the kitchen and meets Neal] Sorry. [Kate feels shocked] You must be Neal. I'm Gordon Shumway. Did I kill him?
Oh, my God, you're for real.
Yeah, yeah, let's get past this. I'm an alien and you're not.
Wow. This is gonna take some time to sink in.
Well, while you're in a daze, let me show you where your brother keeps his band saw.
I'm being insulted by an alien from space.
Not without dinner and a show.
I have a million questions I wanna ask you.
I'm sure. Keep them to yourself, huh? Now, enough of this small talk. Let's get down to business. I understand you're quite the cook.
Do you eat like earthlings?
Do I eat like earthlings? Willie, tell him.
He eats. He doesn't chew.
I don't know what to say. This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Kate's right. Get a life.
Well, he may as well know. I mean, we're all family now.
[at the end, ALF and Neal are playing chess]
So in other words, what you're saying is, except for having 8 stomachs you're really not special in any way.
Oh, gee, thanks. Hey, are you gonna play, or are you gonna jabber on all night?
Well, I thought you said this pointy guy could only move diagonally.
Did I say that? Well, what I meant was it can only move diagonally, except when the move follows the taking of an odd number of the opponent's men from the board.
You sure you've never played this game before?
No, this is my first time.
Good. Let's play for money. Gin. You owe me 1500 bucks.
[Neal makes another moves one of the chess pieces as the episode ends]
