Dick Solomon quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun

Tommy

I gotta say I feel liberated,not having to sneak around all the time,its just so nice being able to wear my apron out in the open[Audience laugh]

Harry

why breakfast was great I've never had a spinach frittttttaaaaaa.

Harry

IIIIIIIncoming message from the big giant head!!

Sally

ooooooh my god Dick get in here!!

Dick

[Running through from the living room]:What is it!?

Harry

Our records indicate that your status report is 22 days late,please submit your finished report to the big giant head's personal assistant,big giant jenny![audience laughs]

Sally

I hate that bitch![audience laugh again]

Harry

Tramission ending in 3..2..1[Harry sneezes]:oooh whats going on!?

Tommy

Dick didnt finish the status report!

Dick

Sally, you seein' Don today?

Sally

Seein' him? I'm losing my virginity to him!

You know, I can come back.

Oh, I got top dollar--I got better than top dollar.

Dick

Well then, by default, wouldn't that become top dollar?

Mary

Hey Dick. What's with all the Rusty burgers?

Dick

Ah, well I'm just uh, preparing box lunches for the homeless.

Mary

Why are putting all of the food in the trash?

Dick

It makes them more comfortable. Mary- you can be so insenitive!

Dick

Harry, are you naked or am I seeing things?

Harry

Actually it's a little of both.

We all came into this world naked.

Dick

Well, I didn't.

Dick

I have an aunt Florence.

Mary

What?

Dick

Oh, that was aunt Florence in Indiana.

Nina

Since when do you have an aunt Florence in Indiana?

Dick

Since when do you have an aunt Florence in Indiana?

Nina

I don't.

Dick

So where's the big coincidence? You know, Nina. Sometimes you makes no sense.

Mary

You wanted to see me, Dick?

Dick

Oh, Mary, thank God! I wanted to show you that if you mix up the letters in your last name, it spells "lab right!"

Mary

Okay, but wh-what was the emergency that couldn't wait another second that made me... get off the phone with Chancellor?

Dick

Lab right!

Dick

Line 14, "other gains or losses."

Tommy

I gained two pounds.

Sally

I lost my virginity.

Dick

[while gagged, mumbling on the telephone to Judith] Mmmph!

[sarcastically, alternating between Dick's mumblings] Oh, yeah. Oh, baby. I'm hot now. Do me. Do me all night. I know it's you, Dick. [hangs up]

Dick

Damn!

Officer Don

The F.B.I. are coming into town tomorrow.

Dick

What for?

Officer Don

That's classified.

Tommy

You have no idea, do you?

Officer Don

That's also classified.

Nina

You think you're the smartest man on the planet, don't you?

Dick

For the thousandth time, YES!

So... what'd you think of the book?

Dick

As bathroom fare? A triumph!

Dick

And so they served us these balls made entirely of meat. Have you seen these?

Nina

Er, yeah.

Dick

They're shaped like say a tennis ball. Have you seen these?

Nina

Of course I have!

Dick

But you don't play with them, you eat them! You've seen these?

Nina

Many times!

Dick

Well it sounds like you haven't!

Dick

[holds up a football] This is a football, [Holds up baseball] This is a baseball, [Holds up a tennis ball] This is a tennis ball, [Holds up what looks to be a meatball] Now, do you know what this is?

Nina

It's a meatball.

Dick

No, Nina you're wrong. It's a ping-pong ball covered in meat. [Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a meatball] This is a meatball.

Nina

You are the meatball. YOU ARE THE MEAT BALL!

Dick

She doesn't know what a meatball is. Sad.