Yusuke quotes from YuYu Hakusho

Come on, let's go back! This isn't right!

Shut up! Let go of me, wouldja?

What? Kuwabara?!

[entering Yusuke's apartment while being restrained by his friends and screaming at his picture]Damn you! You think you can just back out 'cause you're scared!

Kuwabara, this place is for mourning!

I'm not gonna leave! Not until he comes out here and lets me fight him!

He can't do that!

I'm gonna beat you down, you punk! You hear me? [his voice breaks as he tries to hit the picture] Who do you think you are, huh? Dirty punk! Who am I gonna fight now? Who am I gonna fight?

He's gone!

No! [throws a punch at the picture, but stops inches before he hits it, sobbing] You're supposed to be here...for me.

Botan

This is Yusuke Urameshi, and he's honored to meet you.

Koenma

Mm-hmm.

Botan

[hitting Yusuke] Hey, are you trying to make me look stupid? Tell him how honored you are!

[laughing] That's a good one, Botan, but let's be serious, okay?

Botan

Why would I lie about something like this, you moron?

[still laughing, pointing at Koenma] Why would the Spirit World be run by a toddler?

Botan

[slapping Yusuke's hand] Don't point your finger at him!

And to think I was scared of the mighty King Yama!

Koenma

[clearing his throat] Well to be more exact, I am the mighty Koenma, and I am the son of King Yama. Even though I appear to be a child, I have been around over fifty times longer than you have, so watch your mouth when you speak to me.

So it takes hundreds of years to move past a diaper?

Botan

[punching Yusuke in the head] Can't you show an ounce of decency?!

Koenma

Actually, I'm proud to say that in addition to knowing the greatest secrets of the universe, I am also quite potty-trained.

Koenma

[presenting a golden egg] Yusuke Urameshi, I present you...your ordeal.

My ordeal is a golden chicken egg?

Koenma

Your ordeal will be what is inside of it, and I assure you, it won't be a chicken. Hatch this egg, and face what comes out.

So what's the trick? Do I do something to hatch it?

Koenma

No, no, not at all. You only have to keep it with you. This is a Spirit Beast, and it feeds off the energy emitted from your soul. This will be a true and constant test of your character. The things you do and feel will change the monster inside for better...or for worse. If, as would be expected from your files, your spirit is wicked and cruel, then the beast that hatches will be the same way. It will devour you, and you'll be lost forever. This, as you might imagine, is a very painful experience. However, if the energy you emit is good and true, then so will be the Spirit Beast. It will take care of you and guide you back into your living body. Of course, if it sounds too risky, you can opt out and remain as a ghost. The choice, Yusuke Urameshi, is yours.

Keiko

[dreaming that Yusuke's leaving and she's running to catch up with him] Yusuke! Yusuke, wait!

Keiko

Wait. Yusuke, wait.

[his ghost sitting on Keiko's chest] Listen to me, Keiko. I need you to pull yourself together. I'm coming back! It's hard to explain, but I'm a ghost right now and I have to take care of this egg, and then I--

Keiko

[mumbling] Yusuke...

Hey, are you hearing me? This is important!

Keiko

You're heavy.

[in Keiko's dream] I need you to take care of my body until I come back. You've got to tell them not to cremate me. And tell my mom not to waste her life away because we're gonna be fine!

Keiko

[nods, teary-eyed] Mm-hmm.

Well...I guess that's it, Keiko. I'm coming back. [wipes tears off of Keiko's cheek] I don't wanna see you crying anymore.

Keiko

[waking up] Oh, Yusuke! [realizes he's not there] But he was...I thought...was all that really just a dream?

Keiko

No...I'm sure I felt him.

Botan

This dream your mother had seems to give her comfort, and Keiko doesn't want to take that from her.

Well, while she's being comforted, I'm gonna be a barbecue!

[yelling at Botan and pointing at Kuwabara] You can forget it, Botan! There is no way I'm taking control of that lamebrain!

Botan

Here's my impression of Yusuke: 'Look at me, I'm burning!'

[while possessing Kuwabara's body] Pull it together, Yusuke! You found her, but now you've gotta convince her quick that you're not just some ugly weird guy with bruises on his face! No time, no time...okay, I've known her all my life. There's got to be something between us that only I would do! [realizes what needs to be done] Yeah!

Keiko! Nice uniform! [grabs her breasts from behind] They're so squishy!

Keiko

Yusuke you jerk! [slaps Yusuke]

[while possessing Kuwabara's body] I know I've been a bum to you at times, but please wait for me!

Keiko

I will! I'd wait forever, Yusuke!

I don't know which boost to the school's reputation I like best: kicking out Kuwabara or having Yusuke die on his own!

I always said those teachers were out to get me! I'm surprised they didn't run me over themselves!

Botan

Kuwabara's so loyal to his friends; I'll have to make a note.

[mocking Botan] Oh yes, he's so brave. [normally] You just wait, Botan. This little promise of his won't last for long.

Botan

You don't think that Kuwabara--

Huh?

Those boys should be arriving any minute now.

Mr. Akashi? Gee, doesn't this guy have a life besides tormenting kids?

Kuwabara, we've been waiting!

Now's really not the time! [starts running away]

What is this, Kuwabara? Are you actually running away like a sissy?

[stopping and turning to face them] Oh, no. I'm not goin' anywhere!

He does have the guts to face us without his slave boys!

Especially with the ass-kicking we're about to give him!

[running back over to them] Talk all you want! Let's see what you can do!

See? What'd I tell ya?

Botan

Hmm...

[laughing] It couldn't be more perfect!

But I'm not gonna fight back, so you just hit me as much as you're gonna and let me get out of here!

What did he say?!

Botan

[admiringly] He's so cool!

Kuwabara! Are those new bruises today?

I got piled on by those guys you said were harmless, but I didn't touch 'em!

I'm so impressed. But I talked to some of the other teachers yesterday about our arrangement, and they said I was too easy on you.

What?!

I was just as surprised as you are, but they were convinced! So, in addition to not fighting, you must all score fifty percent or higher on the Physical Science test!

Hey! You can't just keep adding conditions!

I'm afraid I just did...and if one of you fails, Okubo's job goes out the window. [walks away]

[scoffing] Please! We can pass that test easy if we study a little! I got, like, a forty-five on my last Physical Science test!

No worries here; I scored a fifty-seven. How 'bout you, Okubo?

Yeah, I got a thirty-nine, so if I try a little harder I'll be good. We're gonna be okay, right Kuwabara? What did you get?

I got a...A SEVEN!

Well what do you know, Kuwabara is stupider than I am!

Botan

What did you make on your last test?

[proudly] I got a twelve.

[perched on the back of Kuwabara's chair] It's a good thing I came over to check on him; he's fallen asleep in the final inning! [gently shaking him] Hey, Kuwabara! Kuwabara! Wake up and study, doofus! Your test is tomorrow! Ah, seems he's out for good...guess I'll have to show up in his dream.

[seeing Yusuke] Urameshi! You've come back for a fight, huh? Well, I'm gonna make cat food out of you!

Hey, whoa whoa whoa whoa! [picking up Kuwabara's textbook] You've gotta pass this test first!

[yanking the book out of Yusuke's hands] Gimme! I was just studying this before you showed up.

Why is the color of blood red?

Because of all the red blood cells! They color it. That's easy.

But what's the pigment?

Hemoglobin! I forgot!

And what causes your blood to clot?

[mumbling in his sleep] Plate...lets...

[nodding] Yes...good, good.

[in disbelief] No! That's wrong!

And what's really painful is that you were so close! But I'm afraid a promise is a promise, young man. I'll go notify Okubo's employers.

But I checked it!

Oh well. I guess there are many things you can't do right. [walks away]

[thinking] I know this isn't right! I checked all the answers myself! [notices the answer that Akashi erased] I...I don't believe it! That no-good teacher erased my last answer! Who does he think he is?! [runs after Akashi in a rage] I'll show you!

[yelling and grabbing Kuwabara's wrist] Kuwabara, stop! I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm gonna say this! Just remember Okubo! All the poundings you took for him! Punch this teacher, and all that's erased! Kuwabara!

I tried to stop him from hittin' that teacher as a reflex. I didn't think he'd hear me.

Botan

Kuwabara didn't really hear what you said to him, you know.

Say what?

Botan

They can't hear words unless they're asleep, but you can communicate feelings to living people when they're on the same emotional wavelength. See? You reached Kuwabara with your feelings.

Hey, gimme a break! Everything's going fine and then you have to get mushy!

Botan

[amused] You don't have to be embarrassed.

Shut up, will you? I think he can hear us talking about him!

Botan

Don't worry Yusuke, he definitely can't see us or hear us, though there's a good chance he can feel you after what you went through together.

[quietly] Thank you, man.

Now are we absolutely certain that Keiko wants Yusuke to come back to life again? After all, there's a great deal of manpower involved in making one of these life recoveries run smoothly. There's no point in doing it if the people closest to you don't care!

Hey, look. This ordeal thing wasn't my idea, so don't throw me a guilt trip. And as for Keiko, how am I supposed to know? It's clear that if she had any sense she'd want me gone.

Botan

She wants you back.

You think so? [squishes his face with his hands, mocking Keiko] She always looks at me like this. 'Hey Yusuke, come to school!' 'Hey Yusuke, that's not the right uniform!' [takes his hands away] Yeah, she probably just wants me around so she can yell at me and get a better reputation with her teachers.

Botan

Why do you say things you don't mean? You know she only scolds you because she actually cares about you. Sayaka, I've learned not to listen to him most of the time. He's just embarrassed, is all. He's got the cutest crush on Keiko!

Botan! Why don't you nail your stupid mouth shut?!

Botan

Why don't you get over your stupid cuties and admit that you like her, Yusuke?!