Botan quotes from YuYu Hakusho

Botan

Yusuke...things aren't going to be so easy on you for a while. You can't just wander around here anymore; I'll have to take you back. I don't know who Keiko will love in the future, but you cannot interfere. There's no point in her saving her heart for someone she will never have...like you.

Plus, if you were a real messenger of death, you'd take this more seriously. Like, how grim can you be when you say 'bingo?' You're supposed to wear a big black robe and look like a skeleton!

Botan

Now I understand what kind of person you are; it's in my guidebook! Rather than be scared or surprised, you yell a lot and tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

Botan

It's funny, Yusuke...none of us were expecting you to die today; you've thrown us all for a loop. Run someone with your credentials through that scenario a thousand times and they never would've saved a kid like that. No one saw it coming and quite frankly, we haven't prepared a place for you yet.

Oh, gimme a freakin' break! Are you telling me you guys were expecting that little boy to die?

Botan

Well, I wasn't going to tell you this because I knew it would make you even more irritable, but without the confusion caused by you running into the street, that boy would've actually missed the car and escaped with one less scrape on his right shoulder.

What? But he was headed right for him!

Botan

Yes...well, the driver would have veered to the left. In other words, your death was a complete and utter waste!

Botan

This is Yusuke Urameshi, and he's honored to meet you.

Koenma

Mm-hmm.

Botan

[hitting Yusuke] Hey, are you trying to make me look stupid? Tell him how honored you are!

[laughing] That's a good one, Botan, but let's be serious, okay?

Botan

Why would I lie about something like this, you moron?

[still laughing, pointing at Koenma] Why would the Spirit World be run by a toddler?

Botan

[slapping Yusuke's hand] Don't point your finger at him!

And to think I was scared of the mighty King Yama!

Koenma

[clearing his throat] Well to be more exact, I am the mighty Koenma, and I am the son of King Yama. Even though I appear to be a child, I have been around over fifty times longer than you have, so watch your mouth when you speak to me.

So it takes hundreds of years to move past a diaper?

Botan

[punching Yusuke in the head] Can't you show an ounce of decency?!

Koenma

Actually, I'm proud to say that in addition to knowing the greatest secrets of the universe, I am also quite potty-trained.

Botan

This dream your mother had seems to give her comfort, and Keiko doesn't want to take that from her.

Well, while she's being comforted, I'm gonna be a barbecue!

[yelling at Botan and pointing at Kuwabara] You can forget it, Botan! There is no way I'm taking control of that lamebrain!

Botan

Here's my impression of Yusuke: 'Look at me, I'm burning!'

Botan

Kuwabara's so loyal to his friends; I'll have to make a note.

[mocking Botan] Oh yes, he's so brave. [normally] You just wait, Botan. This little promise of his won't last for long.

Botan

You don't think that Kuwabara--

Huh?

Those boys should be arriving any minute now.

Mr. Akashi? Gee, doesn't this guy have a life besides tormenting kids?

Kuwabara, we've been waiting!

Now's really not the time! [starts running away]

What is this, Kuwabara? Are you actually running away like a sissy?

[stopping and turning to face them] Oh, no. I'm not goin' anywhere!

He does have the guts to face us without his slave boys!

Especially with the ass-kicking we're about to give him!

[running back over to them] Talk all you want! Let's see what you can do!

See? What'd I tell ya?

Botan

Hmm...

[laughing] It couldn't be more perfect!

But I'm not gonna fight back, so you just hit me as much as you're gonna and let me get out of here!

What did he say?!

Botan

[admiringly] He's so cool!

Kuwabara! Are those new bruises today?

I got piled on by those guys you said were harmless, but I didn't touch 'em!

I'm so impressed. But I talked to some of the other teachers yesterday about our arrangement, and they said I was too easy on you.

What?!

I was just as surprised as you are, but they were convinced! So, in addition to not fighting, you must all score fifty percent or higher on the Physical Science test!

Hey! You can't just keep adding conditions!

I'm afraid I just did...and if one of you fails, Okubo's job goes out the window. [walks away]

[scoffing] Please! We can pass that test easy if we study a little! I got, like, a forty-five on my last Physical Science test!

No worries here; I scored a fifty-seven. How 'bout you, Okubo?

Yeah, I got a thirty-nine, so if I try a little harder I'll be good. We're gonna be okay, right Kuwabara? What did you get?

I got a...A SEVEN!

Well what do you know, Kuwabara is stupider than I am!

Botan

What did you make on your last test?

[proudly] I got a twelve.

I tried to stop him from hittin' that teacher as a reflex. I didn't think he'd hear me.

Botan

Kuwabara didn't really hear what you said to him, you know.

Say what?

Botan

They can't hear words unless they're asleep, but you can communicate feelings to living people when they're on the same emotional wavelength. See? You reached Kuwabara with your feelings.

Hey, gimme a break! Everything's going fine and then you have to get mushy!

Botan

[amused] You don't have to be embarrassed.

Shut up, will you? I think he can hear us talking about him!

Botan

Don't worry Yusuke, he definitely can't see us or hear us, though there's a good chance he can feel you after what you went through together.

[quietly] Thank you, man.

Now are we absolutely certain that Keiko wants Yusuke to come back to life again? After all, there's a great deal of manpower involved in making one of these life recoveries run smoothly. There's no point in doing it if the people closest to you don't care!

Hey, look. This ordeal thing wasn't my idea, so don't throw me a guilt trip. And as for Keiko, how am I supposed to know? It's clear that if she had any sense she'd want me gone.

Botan

She wants you back.

You think so? [squishes his face with his hands, mocking Keiko] She always looks at me like this. 'Hey Yusuke, come to school!' 'Hey Yusuke, that's not the right uniform!' [takes his hands away] Yeah, she probably just wants me around so she can yell at me and get a better reputation with her teachers.

Botan

Why do you say things you don't mean? You know she only scolds you because she actually cares about you. Sayaka, I've learned not to listen to him most of the time. He's just embarrassed, is all. He's got the cutest crush on Keiko!

Botan! Why don't you nail your stupid mouth shut?!

Botan

Why don't you get over your stupid cuties and admit that you like her, Yusuke?!

The house is on fire.

Botan

Yes, it seems so.

My house is on fire! My mom didn't even have the decency to lock the windows for me!

Botan

Yusuke, uh, maybe we should focus on other things.

Botan! Please, there's gotta be something I can do!

Botan

I'm sorry, Yusuke. I've tried everything in my power.

There is one way...but you may not be willing to do it.

I'll decide that for myself! Tell me!

You can save her life by using the power that's been gathered by the Spirit Beast you've been carrying with you.

What? [pulls out the egg] You mean this little guy?

Throw it in the fire, and it will unleash from the egg and save her.

And that's all I have to do? Why didn't you say so?

But if you hatch the Spirit Beast now, before it's ready, it won't be able to perform its usual duties.

Botan

So does that mean...if he saves Keiko's life, the beast won't be able to bring Yusuke back?

Right. Yusuke will never have a chance to be alive in this world again.

[angrily] This is so stupid! Isn't someone gonna tell them that they're just talking to a dead body? Stop apologizing, Mom, I'll never be around to say it's okay! I'm dead for good!

Botan

It's so sad.

It can't be helped. He made this decision on his own.

Okay Botan, just take me to Heaven or Hell or wherever it is I'm going. I'm tired of being here.

Keiko

Please come back. I need you. Yusuke, please! [starts crying] Yusuke! No, don't go! No! Yusuke!

Koenma

She didn't make it.

Botan

[looking around in confusion] Huh?

Hey, nice kiss.

Keiko

[throwing her arms around Yusuke, tears of joy running down her cheeks] Oh, Yusuke!

Botan

Well, we narrowed it down. Kazemaru must not be Rando. If he was, he would have shown his true form after being beaten.

Then we've figured it out. [they gaze ominously at Shorin]