Linda McMahon quotes from WWE Raw

Linda McMahon

Good evening. First of all, let me take this opportunity to thank our millions of fans around the world, as well as the World Wrestling Federation superstars, who made WrestleMania X8 such an overwhelming success. Secondly, I would like to inform our fans, our superstars, as well as the co-owners of the World Wrestling Federation, that the board of directors has reached the decision on an action plan for the company. The board is afraid that absent in the action, the animosity between Ric Flair and Vince McMahon will continue to be counterproductive for all concerned. Therefore, we are proposing a brand extension under the World Wrestling Federation corporate umbrella, in which Ric Flair would have 100% control and authority over WWF Raw, and Vince McMahon would have 100% control and authority over WWF SmackDown!. We also proposed that one week from tonight on Raw, there be a draft of World Wrestling Federation superstars, in which each co-owner would select his respective talent that would be exclusive to his brand. With the exception of World Wrestling Federation Women's Champion, the men's champion, whose services would be available to both brands. This is an exciting adventure for the World Wrestling Federation. One which we feel is the only solution to ensure that this bitter competition between Vince McMahon and Ric Flair becomes a positive for the benefit of our company, and for our superstars, but most importantly for you, the World Wrestling Federation fans. Thank you.

Linda McMahon

Good evening. Tonight, we will witness the first-ever World Wrestling Federation draft. Vince McMahon will represent SmackDown!. Ric Flair will represent Raw. In the interest of time, only 20 picks will actually be made live tonight. A lottery will be held immediately following Raw on WWF.com to determine placement of all other World Wrestling Federation performers. The result of tonight's historic draft becomes effective on next week's Raw. However, because of the Triple Threat WWF Championship match tonight, neither Triple H, Chris Jericho, nor Stephanie McMahon is eligible to be drafted. And due to a contractual clause, Stone Cold Steve Austin is not eligible to be drafted either. Mr. Austin is therefore declared a free agent, able to sign with either SmackDown! or Raw. Thank you for your attention this evening and best of luck to all the World Wrestling Federation superstars.

Linda McMahon

[rebuffing Vince's assurance that they got the situation under control] Well, Vince as your devoted wife and Stephanie, as your mother, I just simply cannot let the two of you continue this way. Last week, when we returned to USA Network, it was a wonderful opportunity for a new beginning for the entire McMahon family. It was a chance for a clean slate. The only way to garner respect from people is not, Vince, by yelling and screaming, or Steph, by pitching a fit. It's by taking action. [to JR] So, JR, on behalf of the entire [looks at Vince and Stephanie] McMahon family... [long pause] YOU'RE FIRED!! [gives JR a low blow as Vince and Stephanie gleefully mock him bawled over]

Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley

Unfair, mom? You wanna know what's unfair is you hopping on a little plane... [angry at Slut! chants] hopping on a little plane, thinkging you can come down to this ring, to the World Wrestling Federatiton and start making decisions on things you know nothing about!

Linda McMahon

Oh yes I do, yes I can!

In case you haven't forgotten the last we were in the ring together, mother, the McMahon-Helmsley Regime has no problem "slapping" people around, and hopefully you've noticed that the McMahon-Helmsley Regime is all about opportunity - so I'm gonna give you the opportunity to change your mind. Think about it, mother. What's your decision?

Linda

[long pause] NO!!!

No. You won't change your mind. You're gonna have Stone Cold Steve Austin in the Rock's corner. Well then, I'm not gonna change my mind about what I have to do, but Mom, just remember, like you told me when I was a little girl, this is gonna hurt me a lot worse than it hurts you. [tries to slap Linda, but gets knocked down when Linda blocks it and slaps her instead]

Linda

[shocked at what she just did, tries to crouch down and help Stephanie] Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

[dismisses her] Get away from me!!

Vince McMahon

We accept, we accept! You think you're gonna embarrass me?!? Huh?!?! You think you can come out here and put me in a position where you're gonna embarrass me in front of all these people, that's not gonna happen! I don't give a damn what match you make at the King of the Ring, I don't care what match you make tonight, tomorrow night, or any other night!

Linda McMahon

Well, if that's the case, Vince, how about tonight? [let's sink in] If that's the case yeah, Triple H, you'll defend the World Wrestling Federation Championship... [as HHH seethes] against an opponent of my choosing.

Vince

[brushes off HHH's protests] That's it? You got it! Triple HHH defends his WWF title tonight, and okay he doesn't know who his opponent is. Even so, he'll do it even it's not fair and [points at her] you know damn well it's not!

Linda

Not fair? Well, if you don't think that's fair, you're probably not gonna like this either. Because there's another championship that needs to be defended tonight- and that championship is yours, Stephanie. [Stephanie reacts] Come on, Steph, you will defend the World Wrestling Federation Women's Championship against Lita [Steph mouths off NO!] - and pay very close attention to this, this is the stipulation: If any member of the Faction interferes in the match at all, you will be disqualified and Lita will be awarded the Championship.

Vince

[ponders the logic in the announcement] All right you got that too, I'm happy. Now you've made your announcements, Little Ms CEO, you can go back to playing CEO somewhere else, maybe where you started your day this morning in Wilmington, Delaware. [tries to walk off with Shane, Stephanie, and HHH]

Linda

Whoawhoawhoawhoa, Vince. [they look back at him] I don't play the CEO, I am the CEO. and as the CEO, I'll make this one final announcement tonight. Tonight, Shane McMahon will see action and also tonight, Vince McMahon will see action. And both Shane McMahon and Vince McMahon will team up in tag-team action against... the Dudley Boyz! [Father and son are dumbfounded] But it's not just any tag-team match. It's a Tables Match! [Shane walks off in disgust while Steph comforts a grimacing Vince]