Jesse Ventura quotes from WrestleMania

The weasel has just snuck into the broadcast booth. What are you doing here, Heenan?

Welcome to Wrestlemania III.

Thank you Jesse. First of all, I'll speak at any place. I am two for two, Monsoon! Two for two! Billy Jerk did not beat my man! As far as I'm concerned...

Well, your man didn't win either.

Just a minute, I'm talking 'cause I'm on a roll here! What happened was he knew he couldn't beat Hercules, so he kept him outside; as far as the Brain's concerned, that's a victory, we win that one! The King—you saw him in the chair, he left with the crown; the miserable Junkyard Dog, he bowed, he curtsied, he did everything we said he'd do! I am on a roll, I am 2-0

Bobby, I'd just like to say—and I went on the record with this—I thought that was the biggest cheap shot I'd ever seen, when the JYD hit the King Harley Race with that chair.

Let me clear something up here a minute, Brain. You're one-for-three in my book—you didn't win the Hernandez match, King Kong Bundy lost.

I wasn't out there for that match.

I don't care, he was still one of your men.

I don't care about midgets. I don't even deal with midgets. I don't like midgets. Forget that match. Talk about my career! What I am doing. I'm making history here at Pontiac Silverdome. 2-0!

I suppose you call that fair, Brain.

A win's a win. When you're at WrestleMania, you take what you can get. It's not easy. They got a win. I got two wins and I'm going to have three wins today!

Look at this. Look at these three beauties, they left Bruti inside..

The winners of this contest: The Dream Team, Brutus Beefcake and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine!

Well, Beefcake isn't celebrating the victory is he?

Am I on a roll or am I on a roll?

What's the matter with that idiot Beefcake? They got the win. What's he arguing about?

I don't know. A lot of dissension among the ranks of the Dream Team for sure.

Hey, they're leaving Beefcake!

Look at this! They're leaving Bruti behind.

They're leaving him! I can't believe this. What's the matter with Beefcake? What's the matter with him? He gets the winner's money!

What's the matter with Johnny V and the rest of his crew? Why are they leaving this guy behind?

I can't believe this. I can't believe Beefcake. He wins the match.

There they go. Special match upcoming. The adorable one, Adrian Adonis and Rowdy Roddy Piper. A lot of interesting things led up to this one.

How am I doing, Monsoon? Huh? How am I doing?

Horrible.

Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce to you a man who allegedly tells it like it is—Jesse "The Body" Ventura!

Hey, what are you talkin' about, "allegedly" tells it like it is. I am the man who tells it like it is!

Jess, I wanna go on record of saying you were one of the guys—you and the weasel-breath Bobby "The Brain" Heenan—who said that this guy would never step back in the ring.

Well, I'll go on the record, he surprised me. You know, they said he's got a lot of heart; but I personally say he's got a lot of throat, because it wasn't the heart that got hurt.

What's Dave Hebner doing? He should be counting Steamboat right here.

He's reprimanding the champion.

[As George Steele is helping Steamboat back in the ring] Yeah, but he's giving Steamboat a chance to recover and he's letting Animal Steele out there. Now look at, you talked earlier on about how managers should not be touching people and helping people–look what's going on out there.

He's not a manager, he's a friend.

Oh that's different then. He should've been counted out by Dave Hebner, the referee. I've already counted to 20.

[after Savage kicks Steamboat in the head] Oh, he put his head down. I don't blame him, he's probably exhausted.

OH!!!

Backdropped right over the top.

That should be a disqualification. That was an intentional throw over the top by Steamboat to save himself.

Just like the deliberate clothesline; I'd say they're even right now, Jess.

I tell you, you got an answer for everything, Gorilla.

Well, that's why I'm here—to keep you in line.

Flagrant interference from the outside.

The Animal pushed him right off. I think the bell rang Savage in the head, Jess. But the champ still in control... [Savage attempts to body slam Steamboat, who grabs the leg and rolls into a small package] No, small package by the Dragon.

No!

He got him! I don't believe it! History is made!

You talk about a miscarriage of justice, Monsoon! Flagrant outside interference on the part of Animal Steele!

History made here in the Silverdome for WrestleMania III!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat!

Standing ovation by this capacity crowd, Elizabeth was in tears, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat the new Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion.

Well, all I've got to say, Gorilla Monsoon, is that Steamboat'd better cut that belt in half and give half of it to George "The Animal" Steele, because without "Animal" Steele's flagrant interference, "Macho Man" Randy Savage would've won; he had Steamboat pinned for 30 or 40 seconds. Deny that.

But the referee was out of it, Jess. I'm not denying that fact.

I don't wanna hear the Honky Tonk Man sing.

Really? You'd rather hear Alice sing?

Well, yeah, or anybody else, for that matter.

I'd like to see Jimmy Hart get his hands on Alice Cooper.

Please, are you kidding? All 101 pounds of him.

Hey, Alice don't weigh but about 112 and a quarter.

Yeah, but Alice's got snakes, Jess.

Ladies and Gentleman, may I have your attention please? I have just been informed that we have a very special announcement and here to give the announcement is the World Wrestling Federation's own - Mean Gene Okerlund!

Alright, Ladies and gentlemen. We all are part of history in the making here this afternoon for WrestleMania III. I have come to the Silverdome, like you to be part of this historic date: March the twenty-ninth 1987. Thanks to our millions of fans all around the world, and a special thanks as we have established - all of us - a brand new indoor attendance record - of 93,173. Give yourself a big hand.

Wow!

93,173 here in the Silverdome, Pontiac, Michigan.

Let's hear it!

History has indeed been made.

Bigger than the Rolling Stones.

You got that right.

Broke the record that the Rolling Stones set in New Orleans. 93,173 — Gorilla, did they count you and I in that, or is it 175?

I don't think they counted you and I, Jess.

Well then I think we should bump it up two more.

This is the main event of the evening. It is for the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Championship. Scheduled for one fall with a one hour time limit. First, the challenger, accompanied by his manager, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. He hails from Grenoble in the French Alps. He weighs 520 pounds...Andre the Giant!

An awesome figure. The 7'5" frame of Andre the Giant who has literally been brainwashed by that man right there, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

No, I disagree with you a little, Gorilla. The man has never had a championship title match. Don't you feel, in a 15-year illustrious career, that he should be granted one shot at the title?

Jess, the man never, #1, asked for a title match, and #2, never wanted a title match. To my knowledge.

[overlapping] He—never wanted it? Well, to your knowledge is wrong, because right here he's got one, and he definitely asked for it—he ripped the shirt off the champion, as well as the crucifix. I figure that's a direct way of asking for it.

Yeah, it certainly is, but all that came at the provocation of that guy right there with the white waiter's jacket on, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

There he is: 7'5", 525, neck 24, chest 71, biceps 21, hands 16, wrists 11 inches, forearms 17, thighs 36, calves 22.

We could be looking at the next heavyweight champion of the world.

And I just gave you the tale of the tape!

And now his opponent. He is from Venice Beach, California...

Weighing in at 294 pounds. He is the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion, Hulk Hogan!

The roof of the Silverdome about to explode here! As the Hulkster greets...and these 93,000 plus greet him. You're looking at the greatest professional athlete in the world today. The world's heavyweight champion.

For right now, Gorilla, he may not be a few moments from now. Let me run it down. Hogan: 6'8", 294, neck 21, chest 58, biceps at a phenomenal 24 inches, forearms 18, wrists 9 inches, hands 13 and a half, thighs 30 and a half, calves 20, the tale of the tape!

A phenomenal individual. And Hulkamania— look at it, Jess. It's alive, and running well.

You got 93,173 fans standing on their feet for this one, Gorilla, and I hope my voice holds up!

It's holding up just fine, Jess! And look at the Hulkster. What an unbelievable individual he is. And what a representative as the world's heavyweight champion.

This is the biggest match in the history of professional wrestling.

No question. This is the final time, Jess—win, lose or draw for the Hulkster—to wear that particular belt to the ring.

Look at the stare of the champion against the challenger. The irresistible force meeting the immovable object.

Look at the size of the Giant! I mean Hogan is 6'8"!

Andre is 7'5"! The bell has gone, this one is officially underway. Look at the look of disdain on the face of Andre.

What's Hogan saying to him, I wonder? What could Hogan possibly be saying to him?

Certainly like to be able to read lips at this point.

He's almost, he's hulking up right now!

Shove by Andre and the champion retaliates. Oh, big right hand blocked by the champion and the Hulkster unloading! Going for a slam! Oh, he almost got him up. Oh, he collapsed! One, two. [Hulk kicks out] Two count only.

Two count? Was that two or was that three?

Two count only.

Ooh, that was close, Gorilla!

Shoulder was up.

Oh, was that close. Andre thinks he's won it just like that. Hogan is hurt! Hogan went for a bodyslam early in the bout and he may have injured his back.

May have hurt that lower back area for sure with that extreme weight of Andre the Giant. Referee showing the timekeeper that it was a two count and the shoulder came up.

Look at this!

HE SLAMMED HIM!

[overlapping]: HE SLAMMED THE GIANT!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

Hulk dropping the big leg! Over for the cover! [Hulk pins Andre] IT'S OVER!

HE GOT HIM! UNBELIEVABLE! I never thought it could be done Gorilla!

Neither did these 93,000 plus as the world's heavyweight champion, Hulk Hogan has proven to everyone what he's made of.

What can I say? I never thought it could be done, Gorilla Monsoon.

He's thanking the guy upstairs Jess, as he always does. Let's get the official announcement.

The winner of the bout, and still World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion — Hulk Hogan!!

Listen to the ovation. He is truly a Real American Jess.

What could I say? I'm the man who tells it like it is. I'll give credit where credit is due. I never thought the man could ever defeat Andre the Giant.

Never underestimate the ability of the World's Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan - he proved a lot of guys wrong Jesse.

That he did Gorilla.

You're looking at a tremendous individual. [Andre and Bobby Heenan prepare to leave the arena, but not before Andre threatens Hulk saying "I'll be back"]

That's the first time in 15 years that Andre the Giant had ever been defeated.

Ever been slammed for that matter Jesse.

Wow. And that's 525 lbs. and that's not dead barbell weight, that's 525 pounds of living flesh that he picked up and slammed.

You know Uecker, if Vanna White is great taste then she's less filling then.

Yes I'm really familiar with that.

Hey Uecker! I'll bet you never saw anything like this when you were in baseball!

Nah, this looks like the final day of cut down day in Spring Training!