Jesse Ventura quotes from WrestleMania

Woodstock was to rock and roll, what WrestleMania is to wrestling.

I've seen plenty of anticlimactic Super Bowls in my day, I've seen a lot of lousy NBA Championships in my day, but we definitely are not seeing...we're seeing the greatest spectacle in wrestling history right now.

[said at every WrestleMania] I wanna say hi to Terry, Tyrel, and Jade in Minneapolis.

That's kinda like talking to the third base coach before you lay down the bunt, Uecker. Then again, in your case, Ueck, you gotta make contact with the ball.

I know right where Vanna's at, but I just can't say my room number over the air.

Chico learned that move in the Mexican Football League. The MFL.

Oh he raked his eyes! I tell you, I don't know how the pukesters can cheer for this guy. He's as dirty as they get!

[on Hulk Hogan] Right there you've got a guy who will stoop to any level, he'll stoop to any level to get what he wants.

They said "with a combined weight of 465 lbs." You're telling me that Rhodes only weighs 200?!

Hogan, your ribs are injured, you're facing the biggest, toughest man I believe you've ever faced in your career in King Kong Bundy inside a steel cage. Man, I can't believe you'd do something like that as Champion of the world!

Well, you know, Ventura, I don't care what you believe, brother. You're gettin' paid to ask the questions. Whether my ribs are busted up or not, I'm gonna defend this World Heavyweight Title, man. It's everything I believe in, all those little Hulksters, and it stands for America, brother! Bundy's goin' down, it doesn't matter about the ribs, Ventura. And as far as Mr. T and Rowdy Roddy Piper: I'm gonna make a prediction that Mr. T's gonna come out on top because he's fightin' for what he believes in too; and Piper, just like a lot of other dudes out here [pointing thumb at Ventura], like you, Ventura, take a lot of shortcuts and go down awful quick!

I'll just say this: good guys don't always finish first.

I have never seen so much cellulite in one place at one time, I don't think.

Between the both of them?

No, I was just talking about Adonis.

Hulk is coming back with a tape of his own. Now, Alfred Hayes, what do you got to say about the champion?

Well, that's tit-for-tat, Jesse. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander.

I figured an Englishman like you'd come up with something like that!

You jealous because you don't have a cartoon show, Jesse?

Don't you get on my case either, Elvira, or you won't go out with me later!

Someday, sometime, he's gonna have to showdown with me.

If you win, I'll go out with you.

Hey! You see what, hey!

What happened there?

Little Beaver just gave Bundy a shot in the boiler.

Look at that, Jess. This is unfair, the outside help to get your man back on his feet.

You're calling that help? He threw him right into the JYD.

What's a manager for, Monsoon?

A manager's to give advice, not to physically get involved.

You're starting to irritate me a little.