TV show quotes
Be careful, Will Truman. You wouldn't want to upset me and force me to rethink Grace Adler.
Are you kidding me with this stuff? No one actually says that unless they're twirling a mustache and tying Lillian Gish to the train tracks!
Well, if no one wants to play with me, then I'm just going to go to my room and play with myself. By myself. I meant by myself.
[Karen says that Stan nearly died the night before]
If you had invited me to dinner - which you didn't, thank you very much, busy anyway - I could have saved Stan's life. I know CPR.
You do?
Yeah. I had to do it on my father when I told him I was gay - although I think that just confused him even more.
What's up, dude? Still gay?
Yeah. The antibiotics didn't take.
[Will and Grace are at the altar at Jack and Rosario's wedding]
Wanna see what it's like to kiss a guy under one of these things?
[they kiss]
I don't think we should live together anymore.
The kiss wasn't that bad, Will. [pause] I don't think we should live together anymore, either.
When you moved in, it was so we could heal and move on.
I know. I don't feel like I've moved on. Have you moved on?
I'm standing here making out with a girl. That's the international symbol for not moving on.
I got a call from my friend at the I.N.S. yesterday, and apparently the marriage between a 30-year-old gay man and a postmenopausal Salvadoran maid flagged something in their computer.
Okay, are we done yet?
No. Look, they're gonna start making random visits to verify that Jack and Rosario are a real married couple. So since their official residence is listed as your place, I think the best thing would be for Jack to move into your penthouse.
I just adore a penthouse view! Ooh, my very own sexless marriage. Just like Will and Grace.
No, not like Will and Grace. We don't even live together any more. She's got her own apartment.
Eight dysfunctional feet away.
Lord, they're like Siamese twins who are joined at their boring personalities.
Hey. Hey, you're on the clock, tamale. Get to work!
Listen, lady, I'll squash you like a wormy apple.
[suddenly emotional] Oh, Will, don't let them take my sunshine away!
[embraces her] I love my mommy!
[to Jack] Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes bad things happen to you.
[Karen loses Jack's bird, Guapo]
Oh, honey, what can I do? Do you want another bird?
No! How can you even ask me that? When my grandmother died, did you buy me another racist dowager with a purse full of diabetic candy?
[Grace is surprised when Will clamps his hands over her breasts.]
I think you've sprung a leak.
What're you talking about?
[He lifts his hands, and her water bra sprays twin streams.]
I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.
[Jack finds out that Will slept with his ex-boyfriend]
Commandment number one in the gay bible: Thou shalt not covet my ex's ass!
Is that from the Book of Genesissy?
Listen lady, in my country I was a schoolteacher.
Oh yeah? Well in this country, you wash my bras.
I listened.
You're a mother. You're not supposed to listen.
Then what do you want me to do?
I don't want you to fix me up. But I want you to want to fix me up. I just don't want you to want me to want to go out with the guys that you want to fix me up with.
You know, this rambling problem comes from your grandmother.
Your lips can go from here [points to Will's lips] to HERE! [points to her butt]
Oh, honey, could we get two seared ahi salads with honey mustard on the side?
I don't work here.
That wasn't my question, was it?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Will & Grace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
