Natasha Romanoff quotes from What If...?

Fury

[answering a cell call from Natasha] I'm a little busy here, Widow.

Natasha

Oh, good. We'll start a support group. I've got General Ross, a dozen snipers and a few tanks. What are you dealing with?

Fury

Space Vikings.

Natasha

Showoff.

Coulson

[nervously] Why do you need my password?

Natasha

[sighs] I need to get into the Avengers Initiative files, but I'm locked out of the system. And wanted for murder.

Coulson

I'm not telling you my password, Romanoff.

Natasha

Why not?

Coulson

Because I'm not.

Natasha

Coulson. Clint was your friend, too.

Coulson

#SteveSteveSteveIHeartSteve0704.

Natasha

Wow. Good one, Coulson.

Coulson

What?

Natasha

No, nothing. That's great. Thank you.

Natasha

You won't win. [Stands up and turns to face the person] Not against me. Not against S.H.I.E.L.D.

You found me. You know what to do.

Natasha

[Crawls towards her phone] Fury, it's Hope! It's all about Hope! [Gets dragged into the darkness]

No. Don't say it.

Natasha

[offering Clint's severed cybernetic arm] What? "Need a hand?" Come on. I feel like you should know me by now. Puns aren't really my style.

Natasha

Dialing Avengers Tower.

Ultron

Uh...hello?

Natasha

Hi, I'd like to order a pizza.

Ultron

What? Who is this?

Natasha

Tell me, do you guys offer a gluten-free crust?

Ultron

Identifying your geo-positional coordinates.

You having some fun?

Natasha

You know, simple pleasures. I give us two minutes.

Captain Carter

No, don't. Stop right there.

You know, Bernard in Accounting was asking about you.

Captain Carter

Nothing good has ever followed the phrase 'Bernard in Accounting'.

What if his name was Steve?

Captain Carter

Ouch! Just when we were becoming pals, Widow.

We're just stories to you. We're not real. You watch us fight, win, lose. Tell me, did you make popcorn while Ultron murdered my friends and burned my world to the ground?

The Watcher

You are more than that to me.

Are we?

The Watcher

You. Your stories. They... are everything to me.

[Chuckles] I'm too fast. [gets tasered from behind by Natasha (CCU)]

Don't tell me, he was your type?

Captain Carter

[stands up and hugs Natasha (CCU)] Oh, Widow, I've never been so happy to see you.

Did you hit your head or something?

Captain Carter

A few times, actually.

Well, shake it off, 'cause you're gonna want all your marbles for this one.