Howard the Duck quotes from What If...?

Howard the Duck

I'd say "I told you so", but your head's bashed in, so you wouldn't remember...

Howard

Drowning your troubles? I thought you Brits were supposed to be resilient.

Peggy

[sarcastic] Just the men, apparently.

Howard

Can I give you a word of advice?

Peggy

I'd rather you didn't.

Howard

Flynn's a moron. Lucky for you, I'm a genius. [puts the box containing Peggy's costume on the table]

Peggy

What's this?

Howard

This was supposed to be your USO "let's go sell some war bonds" costume, but I made a few upgrades.

Peggy

Your covert skills need work...

Howard

Then this is gonna be awkward. [slams the shield onto the table]

Howard

Red, green, blue... Who paints a button blue?!

Captain Carter

Don't tell me the American playboy needs help pushing buttons.

Howard

Hedy Lamarr and I spent a weekend together, but she wasn't teaching me German!

T'Challa

The collection is much bigger than I anticipated. All this suffering, and for what?

Howard

My guess: he's compensating for something big. Or small, if you catch my drift, eh?

T'Challa

You are quite articulate for a duck.

Howard

That, sir, is very close-minded.

Jane

I'm gonna go talk to him. I'm gonna make first contact with an alien.

Darcy

First? I think half the Strip beat you to it. You can make first contact with, I dunno, that guy. He looks like a loser.

Howard the Duck

[does a spit take into his martini] Ha! Big talk coming from a brunette.

Nebula

Hey, Howard.

Howard the Duck

You!

Nebula

How's business?

Howard the Duck

Well, you know, the world's falling apart and I'm running a casino. Things are great!

Howard the Duck

Places like that -- not everyone who goes in comes out!

Korg

Which means that many of the people who entered these premises end up dead. Forever. Forever dead.

Nebula

Now about those guns-

Howard the Duck

Guns? Nebula, even if I had, say, heavy weaponry, you know, military grade, sure to kill, which I’m NOT saying I do, breaking them out would be bad for business!

Nebula

Nova Prime’s helping Ronan launch an invasion. How’s that going to help business?

Howard the Duck

Business takes care of itself.

Nebula

The people of Xandar are going to suffer.

Howard the Duck

They’ll drink more!

Nebula

Nova Prime will take your liquor license.

Howard the Duck

[beat] NO! [to Korg, Groot and Miek] Rock, Paper, Scissors, strap up! It’s happy hour!

(offscreen) Hey, enough! The '80s called, they want their song back!

Howard the Duck

Ah ha ha, that's so funny. Or it would be, except for the fact that KISS wrote that song in '79! A-duh!

Darcy Lewis

Sorry, Mrs. Switzler, we're just trying to put the baby to sleep.