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Veep
All S1

S1 E15Unfinished Business

[to Catherine, regarding Selina's new haircut] Just imagine, that's what you'll look like when you become a boy.

What do you think of the new cut, huh? Do you like it?

Of course I don't fucking like it! It's the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy!

The elven look is in right now, I was reading about it.

People don't elect elves, okay. They put them to work in grottos or get them drunk at frat parties so they can toss them.

That's dwarves.

If Thornhill strayed once, there may be others. Maybe a crack whore if we're lucky.

Call me naive, but isn't that unethical?

You're naive. Welcome to politics.

Here's my favorite part, where they all pretend like they like each other. Fuck Broadway, this is real acting.

CChung

Today, we're here to talk about records. And my record clearly shows that, unlike some of us, I have been tested.

Here comes the burning tank story, where he saves the one guy, and the rest of us get fucking tortured.

MModerator

Governor Chung, we live in a time when young people find in increasingly hard to find work. How would you address this issue?

Ten bucks he says, "bring back the draft."

[Selina's eye continues to twitch visibly on camera]

Jesus, that is a wicked twitch!

I can't watch this.

Neither can she 'cause her fucking eyes don't work!

Now Maddox's daughter's gonna give him the bad news!

"Daddy, you fucking blew it!"

"Daddy, I've never been less proud of you!"

[on Thornhill] Listen to this idiot. They're not even soundbites, they're just sounds.

Yeah, but it works, though, that's the thing. I mean, he cornholed us in Iowa.

Well, that's appropriate. It's the Corn State.

Amy, I gotta say, you're doing a great job. Seriously, you do me better that I do me.

You do yourself a lot.

Uh, ma'am? Quincy Carter, the editor of the New Hampshire Globe, is here to speak with you.

Oh God, that Dickensian shit-stick?

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