Deadpool quotes from Ultimate Spider-Man

Oh, cool. What’s that?

I’m gonna call S.H.I.E.L.D. so they can pick up the file and Taskmaster.

Oops! You broke it.

Hey! What’d you do that for?

Taskmaster

Oh, Spider-Man. If you’d studied with me instead of Fury you might not be so naive. Who do you think I stole the identity list from in the first place?

Agent MacGuffin?

Heh. Confession time. Yeah, it was me.

You?

And there is no Agent MacGuffin. [laughs] And also I stole the list from S.H.I.E.L.D., but Taskmaster swiped it from me when I left my pouches in the potty.

What?

Dude, couldn’t help it. I had Indian food. My legs went numb I was in there so long.

You stole the list? Why?

[laughs] To sell it, silly, ca-ching! I tell you what, ditch Fury and I’ll cut you in for 10%. We’ll be a team. But I get top billing. So, we’re gonna fight, then?

Yeah, pretty much.

Okay... Boom.

Seriously? I hate you, Deadpool.

I know you mean “love.”

Are you outta your mind?

Totally! But I know that list gonna make some supervillain very happy and that's gonna make me very rich. So hand it over and i'll only partially unalive you

Yikes!

Duck.

Oh no piranhas. They’re so bitty. Oh that's so much funnier when it happens to someone else

Booby traps

Ha ha ha. You said traps.

I can't believe I actually looked up to you. You're just as bad as Taskmaster.

Sometimes. Sometimes I'm bad for money, Sometimes I'm good for money. As long as I’m having fun with said money I make my own rules.

You can’t just do whatever you want without the consequences. That’s how people get hurt.

Ugh, come on, you sound just like Fury. Except not as cool. It’ll help you if I pop out your eye.

You’re good... for a total psycho.

[laughs] Oh goody, oh, it’s the insult game, okay. They should call you “elevator operator”. 'Cause you’re bringing me down. Or “tonsils”. 'Cause you’re a pain in the neck. Ba-boosh!

Lame. Next you’ll be telling me to “go soak my head”.

Ah, what a swellegant idea. But it’ll look a lot funnier in my imagination.

What?

Stop doing that. You can’t attack me with puns.

Puns and bullets and pointy things. Yes I can. I’m running the show now. And this is just the tip of the spear.

This fight is getting fishy.

Smooth moves, but I gotta give you the hook.

You can’t just string this along.

Arr, fancy meeting you here, me wee squiggly spider. Fun house!

More like a mad house. You’re getting a kick out of this, aren’t you?

Welcome to the funny farm. Where you belong.

[laughs] Don’t count your chickens just yet.

Don’t you ever take anything seriously? Your S.H.I.E.L.D. training? Fury’s rules? Responsibilities?

Forget S.H.I.E.L.D. Forget Rules. Forget that these shiny sticks are swords and hop right on.

There’s one rule I’ll never forget. I’m throwing the book at you.

Oh, See I knew you had a pouch. Copycat!

With great power, comes great responsibility.

Ugh, that’s not very clever. Or funny...

Massive Morality KO!

Morality, ha! You know, we don’t all have the luxury of morals. Have I told you my origin story?

Like a billion times, now. How about telling me the truth?

You can’t handle the truth.

Really?

Fine. So once there was a kid, a weird, special kid. And his life was a toilet. Maybe somebody treated him badly. Maybe he got hurt by bad people. So maybe Fury’s hero-school was the boost he needed. And for a while the kid bought what Fury was selling. Until he realized it was more fun to laugh at the pain. To hurt those who hurt you, times a thousand. Forget it! You wouldn’t understand.

Actually I do. If things had gone a little bit differently, I could have been just like Deadpool.

Okay, so I’m gonna call this one, Bugs. You beat me fair and square, making me feel emotions and stuff. So I’m gonna go home and cry myself to sleep on my bed made of money.

Hang on. You’re coming back to S.H.I.E.L.D. too. You have to face Fury.

“You have to face Fury.” [laughs] You’re hilarious. Smell ya’ later, sucker. Bye, Spider-Man. Ouch, my butt’s burning!