Agent Phil Coulson quotes from Ultimate Spider-Man

Agent Phil Coulson

Director Fury, I need the full power of SHIELD's legal team stat! We need to limit how much actual meat you need to legally call something "meatloaf". We can save the budget, man!

Nick Fury

Coulson, we need to talk priorities.

Nick Fury

Coulson, you have any idea where our teenage, heroes-in-training are?

Agent Phil Coulson

Sir, I'm in the middle of a crisis. This school's budget is a mess! I'm trimming the fat. No more doors on boy's bathroom stalls, rougher toilet paper - Hey, maybe SHIELD can donate...

Nick Fury

[Hangs up on him] Good Godfry, Coulson's gone native.

Agent Phil Coulson

You can settle it in detention.

Peter Parker

Detention! Principle Coulson, I've never had detention before in my life! Aww, my aunt is gonna kill me. Then she's going to bring me back as a zombie and kill me again!

I wanna say... I'm sorry. And kind of grateful. I guess I might have misjudged you, Phil.

Agent Phil Coulson

Despite the fact that you tried to ruin my evening, I might have misjudged you too, Parker. I'm impressed. But you ever call me "Phil" again, you'll be in detention for the rest of your life.