Taskmaster quotes from Ultimate Spider-Man

My employer will pay handsomely for the capture of Spider-Man, Taskmaster.

Taskmaster

A guy with four arms should be able to grab one bug by himself, Octavius.

Yeah, I don't get out much.

I said no!

Boy, you got a short fuse.

Run!

Break-dancing! What's your hang-up, Webs? See how I did that? Webs, then hanging.

Yeah, I saw what you did. You tried to blow those guys up.

Ugh! Guilt over a little spilt guts. Used to be the same. Bet you have a little angel on your shoulder telling you un-aliving someone is bad.

Psst, that's S.H.I.E.L.D. brainwashing 101. You wanna earn the big bucks ditch the rules for once.

Your not a freelance hero. You're a mercenary. You'll do anything for money. Well, forget it.

Okay, prince goody two webs. That's cool. Righteous. But the bad guys ain't gonna return the favor.

Ow?

Eh, whatevs. You know I gotta healing factor that makes Wolverine go like "I wish I had Deadpool's healing factor bub". It's all in my origin story. "Once a nerdy little kid fell into a radioactive swimming pool and he emerged with incredible powers."

Enough.

Taskmaster

Spider-Man. Nice of you to finally visit my school. But unfortunately I'm no longer accepting any more applicants.

We come for the list of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, Taskmaster. And for Agent MacGuffin.

Taskmaster

We who?

Me and Dead, Deadpool!

Taskmaster

Deadpool is here? What?

Boogity-boo! (Maniacal laughter) Did you miss me?

Taskmaster

You! You're out of your mind to come here. I will destroy you.

Dude! How? Taskmaster can copy your moves just by watching you fight!

Maybe your moves, binky. Check it! How do ya like this. I'm gonna get ya, I'm gonna get ya. Oh what I tell ya, Oh what I tell ya. Oh shaking my milkshake. Oh yeah. Open up wide taski.

No!

You know sometimes you are just no fun.

We'll discuss our definitions of fun later. Let's get the S.H.I.E.L.D. drive out of here before anyone's secret identity gets revealed.

Oh wait, wait. I wanna watch this one.

Nope.

Oh, come on. I though we bonded. Wait, let me guess. You're Aaron Applebaum, Aaron Aston, Aaron Atwater!

Are you just keep on yelling names from A-Z until you guess?

No. Barry Barrington.

You're not well.

I know.

Oh, cool. What’s that?

I’m gonna call S.H.I.E.L.D. so they can pick up the file and Taskmaster.

Oops! You broke it.

Hey! What’d you do that for?

Taskmaster

Oh, Spider-Man. If you’d studied with me instead of Fury you might not be so naive. Who do you think I stole the identity list from in the first place?

Agent MacGuffin?

Heh. Confession time. Yeah, it was me.

You?

And there is no Agent MacGuffin. [laughs] And also I stole the list from S.H.I.E.L.D., but Taskmaster swiped it from me when I left my pouches in the potty.

What?

Dude, couldn’t help it. I had Indian food. My legs went numb I was in there so long.

You stole the list? Why?

[laughs] To sell it, silly, ca-ching! I tell you what, ditch Fury and I’ll cut you in for 10%. We’ll be a team. But I get top billing. So, we’re gonna fight, then?

Yeah, pretty much.

Okay... Boom.

Seriously? I hate you, Deadpool.

I know you mean “love.”