Deadpool and Spider-Man in “Unfinished Business”

Morality, ha! You know, we don’t all have the luxury of morals. Have I told you my origin story?

Like a billion times, now. How about telling me the truth?

You can’t handle the truth.

Really?

Fine. So once there was a kid, a weird, special kid. And his life was a toilet. Maybe somebody treated him badly. Maybe he got hurt by bad people. So maybe Fury’s hero-school was the boost he needed. And for a while the kid bought what Fury was selling. Until he realized it was more fun to laugh at the pain. To hurt those who hurt you, times a thousand. Forget it! You wouldn’t understand.

Actually I do. If things had gone a little bit differently, I could have been just like Deadpool.

Okay, so I’m gonna call this one, Bugs. You beat me fair and square, making me feel emotions and stuff. So I’m gonna go home and cry myself to sleep on my bed made of money.

Hang on. You’re coming back to S.H.I.E.L.D. too. You have to face Fury.

“You have to face Fury.” [laughs] You’re hilarious. Smell ya’ later, sucker. Bye, Spider-Man. Ouch, my butt’s burning!