Charlie and Alan in “Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair”

Well, what if you were dating?

But I'm not.

But what if it looked like you were dating?

Oh, oh, you mean-- no, no way. I-- I'm not gonna let you fix me up with one of your bimbo girlfriends.

OK, forget it.

She'd have to be really pretty, like a... like a ten. And young, like a twenty.

Anything else?

Uh, and smart. Uh, and a sense of humor's important. Uh, well-read, uh, good with kids, uh, non-smoking, of course... ooh, and, uh, easy on the piercings. Nothing south of the equator.

You're mighty picky for a guy with an adult newsstand in his sock drawer.