Everyone's using old rock songs now. They're not gonna hire a guy like me to write a jingle for tampons when they can just play "Stuck in the Middle With You".
One thing's for sure working for Mr. Charles Roscoe Harper--
His middle name isn't Roscoe--
Who's telling the story?!
Continue.
Anyway, what I've learned is God takes care of drunks and fools, and C. Roscoe Harper is both. [leaves]
His middle name is Francis.
You're-- you're living in a dream world! Money doesn't just fall from the sky.
Obviously, you've never been sitting ringside when a pole dancer hangs upside down.
Hey, Dad, did you get a present when you got divorced?
Alan [rings Judith's doorbell]: A present?
Yeah, a memento of your time together.
Jake, buddy, you're the memento of our time together.
So you were too cheap to get her earrings.
She did better than earrings. She got my family jewels.
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