Please tell me the Jack and Ginger isn't for you.
GGail
No, it's for my girlfriend. Why?
Well, you look like a woman of discriminating taste, and mixing a quality bourbon with ginger ale is like putting Cheez Whiz on Lobster Newberg.
Are you still reading that thing?
How can I not? It's an entire website devoted to trashing me! Listen to this: "Has anybody had sex with Charlie where he actually bothered to take his socks off?" It's just mean! I have bad circulation in my feet -- they get cold!
OK, I've had enough of this. How do I delete this whole thing?
You can't delete a website. The only person who can delete it is the person who created it.
Well, how do I find out who created it?
Now, let's see, huh? [does a WHOIS search] OK, uh... OK, the domain is the property of a company in the Cayman Islands called... [chuckling]: Charlie Harper Sucks, Ltd.
That's no help.
Hey, you can buy T-shirts and coffee mugs! "Add to cart"...
If I don't do something about that website, I'm gonna have to move to Pennsylvania and chase Amish broads.
Berta [reading a list that Alan left on the kitchen table]: "Pro: No alimony. Con: No sex. Pro: See Jake all the time. Con: See Judith all the time."
What are you doing? Give me that!
I'm sorry, it was just laying there.
That's private.
OK! [pause] I've got another "pro" for you.
Yeah, what's that?
If you hook back up with Olive Oyl, I won't have to scrub your toilet anymore.
Alan [writing]: "Pro: No more Berta."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.