A character in Torchwood
Played by John Barrowman
Torchwood · 349 quotes
Most-quoted character in Torchwood: in 173 of its 349 quotes
Most scenes with: Gwen Cooper (65), Ianto Jones (50), Owen Harper (32)
Jack[scathingly] You're a united front now. Toshiko, the poor girl who'll screw any passing alien that gives her a pendant. Owen, so strong he gets into a cage with a weevil, desperate to be mauled. Ianto, hiding a cyber-girlfriend in the basement - your three comrades here pumped bullets into her, remember?
I've got to get Rhys back.
JackYeah, 'cause you're so in love with Rhys, you spend half your time in Owen's bed.
[punches Jack] Fuck you!
The visions we had. We all saw people we loved. What did you see?
JackNothing. There was nothing.
Jack? What would have tempted you? What visions would have convinced you to open the Rift?
JackThe right kind of Doctor.
Jack?
JackWhere are they with those coffees?
[Jack leaves. He walks through the Hub, then stops. He bends over with a wide grin on his face in front of the hand in the jar. The hand is bubbling and glowing. The sound of a TARDIS materializing fills the room and blows paper around. Jack grins and runs offscreen (later continuing to Utopia). Gwen walks in as we hear the TARDIS start to materialize.]
Jack! Jack!
[The TARDIS noise fades away as the others walk in and notice the mess]
Did you see Jack on your way in?
No.
I thought we tidied up in here. What's the matter?
He was just here. Something's taken him, and Jack's gone.
[Jack's vortex manipulator beeps]
Woah, that never beeps.
JackThat's what I was thinking.
[John has skulled half a bottle of vodka]
JackSo, how was rehab?
Rehabs. Plural.
JackDrink, drugs, sex and ...?
Murder.
Jack[laughs] You went to murder rehab?
I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Jack[jokingly worried] You clean now?
[deadpan] Yeah, kicked everything, living like a priest.
JackYou have to go, I don't want you on my territory.
What? Time was you couldn't get enough of me on your territory.
Ooh, you've got a team. How sweet.[looks at Tosh] Pretty friend. No blonde, though, you need a blonde.
God, he's worse than Jack.
Do you have a team name? I love team names. Go on!
JackTorchwood.
Oh, not Excalibur? Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh dear.
Jack[After introducing the team] Meet
Captain John Hart.
JackWe go back.
Excuse me, we more than go back. We were partners.
In what way?
In every way. And then some.
It was like having a wife.
JackYou were the wife.
You were the wife...
JackNo, you were the wife...
Oh, but I was a good wife!
I bet you were! [Gets a look off Owen] What, don't pretend you haven't noticed...he's cute.
You're just shy.
JackOh yeah, I love that office-y feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic. Office romances... Photocopying your butt, well maybe not your butt, although whilst we're here why don't we photo-
The rift was active at these coordinates, approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof.
JackHow are you, Ianto?
All the better for having you back, Sir.
JackCan we drop the 'Sir' now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking, maybe we could...You know, when this is all done...Dinner, a movie...?
Are you asking me out on a date?
JackInterested?
[stuttering] Well, as long as it's not in an office...Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.
JackLooks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant-pot.
Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs.
[Pause. Jack starts to leave]
Jack? Why are we helping him?
JackHe's a reminder of my past, I want him gone.
[Beat]
JackBy the way, was that a yes?
Yes, yes...
You left us, Jack!
Captain Jack Harkness[sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
We knew nothing, Jack!
Where were you?
Captain Jack Harkness[smiles] I found my Doctor.
Did he fix you?
Captain Jack HarknessWhat's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
[softly] Are you going back to him?
Captain Jack HarknessI came back for you.
'Just us. In this room. As long as it takes.' Terrifying.
JackReally?
[nods] Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.
JackYou don't look scared.
Well, it passed.
[Jack grunts in mock frustration]
You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
JackIt's just a mind probe.
Remember what happened last time you used it?
JackThat was different. And that species has extremely high blood pressure.
Oh, right, their heads must explode all the time.
[Gwen looks up, wide-eyed in shock]
Jack, you can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.
JackI'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.
Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.
Or at the first sign of explodiinggg. [grimaces and mimes a seizure].
Jack[Snaps and points at Ianto] Hey!
Will it hurt?
JackYeah.
Your bedside manners are rubbish.
You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious, apparently, so I've heard.
Oh they are. I remember this one time...
[Jack clears his throat]
JackHave faith, with a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?
He is dashing, you have to give him that.
And what if they can't stop it?
They'll stop it.
Yeah, but if they can't?
Then it's...all over.
[after a pause] Let's all have sex.
[deadpan] And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.
Gwen CooperEve Myles · 127 quotes
Ianto JonesGareth David-Lloyd · 91 quotes
Owen HarperBurn Gorman · 74 quotes
TTosh33 quotes
Rhys WilliamsKai Owen · 31 quotes
Rex MathesonMekhi Phifer · 25 quotes
Esther DrummondAlexa Havins · 21 quotes
Oswald DanesBill Pullman · 20 quotes
Captain John HartJames Marsters · 14 quotes
Toshiko SatoNaoko Mori · 9 quotes
Jilly KitzingerLauren Ambrose · 6 quotes
Colin MaloneyMarc Vann · 5 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Torchwood pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.