Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car?
[Old Woman points in the direction in which Torchwood are heading]
[serious] Thank you. [driving away]
OWOld Woman
Bloody Torchwood.
“Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang” · Season 2, Episode 1
In this episode: Jack Harkness (9), Captain John Hart (9), Ianto Jones (6), Gwen Cooper (4), Owen Harper (2), Tosh (1), Toshiko Sato (1)
[Jack's vortex manipulator beeps]
Woah, that never beeps.
That's what I was thinking.
[as a hologram, sarcastically] Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!
Did I mention I'm armed?
[John has skulled half a bottle of vodka]
So, how was rehab?
Rehabs. Plural.
Drink, drugs, sex and ...?
Murder.
[laughs] You went to murder rehab?
I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
[jokingly worried] You clean now?
[deadpan] Yeah, kicked everything, living like a priest.
You have to go, I don't want you on my territory.
What? Time was you couldn't get enough of me on your territory.
Ooh, you've got a team. How sweet.[looks at Tosh] Pretty friend. No blonde, though, you need a blonde.
God, he's worse than Jack.
Do you have a team name? I love team names. Go on!
Torchwood.
Oh, not Excalibur? Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh dear.
[After introducing the team] Meet
Captain John Hart.
We go back.
Excuse me, we more than go back. We were partners.
In what way?
In every way. And then some.
It was like having a wife.
You were the wife.
You were the wife...
No, you were the wife...
Oh, but I was a good wife!
TTosh
I bet you were! [Gets a look off Owen] What, don't pretend you haven't noticed...he's cute.
You're just shy.
Oh yeah, I love that office-y feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic. Office romances... Photocopying your butt, well maybe not your butt, although whilst we're here why don't we photo-
The rift was active at these coordinates, approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof.
How are you, Ianto?
All the better for having you back, Sir.
Can we drop the 'Sir' now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking, maybe we could...You know, when this is all done...Dinner, a movie...?
Are you asking me out on a date?
Interested?
[stuttering] Well, as long as it's not in an office...Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.
Looks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant-pot.
Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs.
[Pause. Jack starts to leave]
Jack? Why are we helping him?
He's a reminder of my past, I want him gone.
[Beat]
By the way, was that a yes?
Yes, yes...
[lustfully] Oh, that's gorgeous.
That's a poodle.
S'Nice!
Oh, by the way, I found Gray.
[Jack stands in shocked silence]
Can you deal with the body when it's cold?
My pleasure, unless you'll be making sushi.
You left us, Jack!
[sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
We knew nothing, Jack!
Where were you?
[smiles] I found my Doctor.
Did he fix you?
What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
[softly] Are you going back to him?
I came back for you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Torchwood pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.